The Slice: We’re also famous for stretching the truth

I think the last time The Slice did one of these, Randy and Deb were still an anchor team and the mighty marmotodon lumbered over the Earth.

You know the drill. A grade-school kid in another state writes to the newspaper hoping that his or her name and address will be printed along with an invitation for readers to send postcards and whatnot to help beef up a classroom project.

The most recent supplicant is one Emmanuel Hurtado, a fifth-grader in Napa, Calif.

“My class is doing state reports and I have chosen your magnificent state, Washington,” he wrote.

Not one to go easy on the flattery, he later referred to the Evergreen State as “astounding.”

Emmanuel, your career in marketing awaits.

“I will be writing about your state’s agriculture, history, economy, famous people, events, historical figures and national parks,” he added.

Well, some of that is pretty well-known. Maybe I can help.

Emmanuel, our leading crops are potatoes, apples, grapes, onions and marijuana.

After shoving aside the native populations, Washington’s settlers cut down a heck of a lot of trees and built subdivisions, coffee huts and prisons.

Our economy is based on road repairs, pledge drives, tattoos and the premise that if you slap a surcharge on virtually every activity you don’t really need a state income tax.

We have been the home of many famous people, most of whom eventually moved to your state, California.

Our annual events include countless festivals, parades, suicide races and Dino Rossi campaigns.

Our historical figures include Chief Nordstrom, General O’Boeingboeing, John Stockton, Baja Canada and Mr. and Mrs. Grand Coulee Dam Jr.

We are blessed with three national parks and Washington residents also enjoy clogging the roads in Glacier National Park, back east in Montana.

Our state song is “Baby Got Back.”

But of course, Emmanuel, you’ll want to do your own research on all this.

If any Slice readers would like to contribute their own insights and observations, here is the lad’s address:

Emmanuel Hurtado

Napa Valley Language Academy

c/o Mrs. Dearborn/

Mrs. Salceda

2700 Kilburn Ave.

Napa, CA 94558

Today’s Slice question: What’s going on?