March 20, 2011 in City

Doug Clark: Bigger government? Send in the clowns

Doug Clark The Spokesman-Review

Tags:Doug ClarkKaren KearneySpokane County Commission

I’ve never been more excited about Spokane County government.

There’s a sentence you probably never thought you’d read in my column.

But it’s true and it’s all thanks to Karen Kearney.

I didn’t remember the name. But according to a news story, Kearney is a civic activist and failed Spokane City Council candidate, as opposed to the failures we actually elected.

What matters is that Kearney has proposed a positively brilliant idea.

And that is to make the Spokane County Commission an even bigger sideshow than it is now.

Not that she’d put it that way, of course.

Technically speaking, Kearney would like to give voters a chance to increase the size of our county commission from three commissioners to five.

We’ve apparently had three commissioners since back when Dick’s burgers were bought with beaver pelts and the north-south freeway was planned as an alternate stagecoach route.

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking, “Clark, have you lost your mind? We’re already getting fleeced six ways to Sunday with three nincompoops.

“Why would we want five?”

I understand this reluctance. Bigger government has a bad reputation due to wasting enormous amounts of taxpayer money and shady backroom deals.

But look at it my way.

Say you’re sitting under the Big Top, munching cotton candy, when a tiny car rolls into the center ring.

Now ask yourself.

Is it a better circus if five crazy clowns pop out of the vehicle one after the other to throw cream pies, light giant firecrackers and honk their oo-gah horns?

Or are three clowns enough?

I don’t really have to solve that equation, do I? More clowns equals more hilarity. Always.

I realize that it took just two commissioners to stick us with that toxic racetrack out in Airway Heights.

But imagine the caliber of poor decision-making we’d get from a five-commissioner system of malfeasance.

Why, they might decide to buy the empty old Ridpath Hotel and turn it into that new county jail that Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich is begging for.

The Ridpath is conveniently located in what Spokane police call the BDFD (Bus Depot Felony District).

After being arrested, a criminal then would take a short walk to the Ridpath, where a jailer in a bellhop uniform would escort him to a moldy cell/suite with a broken Jacuzzi.

Wow. I might have what it takes to fill one of the new commissioner spots.

If it happens, that is.

Our news story indicated that Commissioner Mark Richard was against Kearney’s proposal, claiming the cost couldn’t be justified.

What a laugh. Spending money sure wasn’t an issue when Marky Mark decided to play Speed Racer.

The good news, however, is that Commissioners Todd Mielke and Al French have expressed a willingness to let the voters decide.

Five commissioners. It’s almost too beautiful to comprehend.

I’d be the first to agree that larger government also equals larger headaches.

But I am, after all, in the headache business.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.

15 comments on this story so far. Add yours!

ChefGus/ John Olsen on March 20 at 5:19 a.m.
Perhaps we can get Matt Shea to run , and add a little balance to the Commissioner’s equation. J
eagleproducer on March 20 at 9:11 a.m.
How would Matt Shea provide “balance” to an already far right wing Board of Commissioners?
I say why stop at five? When the county was considering consolidation with the city in the early 1990’s, that board was going to consist of well over 20 people from all parts of the county.
We need more diversity in our elected officials, not simply more of them. Most of them have never had to scramble for a single dime their entire lives and it colors their empathy towards the majority of people in Spokane County who have to do just that.
The Ridpath idea really isn’t that far fetched…. It already has under ground parking which can easily be transformed to include a sully port, it has service elevators as well as ones that are centrally located. The old check in desk would make a great booking area and transporting drunks from the sidewalks of downtown would be a short trip. Plus you could get rid of all those brown shirts, errrrrr, ambassadors the Downtown Business Partnership employs as the looming presence of a high rise jail (complete with a skywalk and wait… two swimming pools!) would surely discourage the pan handling and skateboarding those brown shirts have targeted. The top floor restaurant -…
………………………=========
eagleproducer on March 20 at 9:19 a.m.
ctd: The top floor, where Ankenny’s was for years, could become the new headquarters for the Spokane Police Guild. Instead of simply driving home hammered after an evening of drowning their collective guilt, the officers could simply check into a “room” where they’d fall into dreams that involve leading the line of cop motorcycles in front of Bloomsday runners, applauding not guilty verdicts of their cohort and cruising gay bars in the nether hours of early morning.
lewis8457 on March 20 at 9:28 a.m.
I don’t know if Ozzie would want his new jail in downtown it is a bit seedy for a ultra modern jail. maybe the color TV’s and jacuzzi in every room might live up to Ozzie’s expectations. But I think not, it is too old. Ozzie wants something that glitters like gold. And has fine furnishing the inmates can destroy.
so he can tell us they need more and more money. So the inmates can have their own tanning beds.
All none violent inmates should have bracelet attached let to go home with the stipulation they get jobs and pay taxes like everyone else. No job they get to sweep the racetrack in pink underwear and high heels.
lewis8457 on March 20 at 9:36 a.m.
what is with ten police car meetings every night at Shadle cop station at 7pm?
They could park their cop cars in front of the Ridpath and no one would be the wiser of their ten man poker games.
Or strip shows.
mmspowaus on March 20 at 9:41 a.m.
Eagleproducer- chirped
“How would Matt Shea provide “balance” to an already far right wing Board of Commissioners? “
I hope this makes it through your raptor like focus as you soar self-satisfied through an air of pompous smug, but a calling the current board of Spokane County Commissioners ‘far right wing’ is rather bird brained.
No self-respecting conservative commissioner would have EVER signed on for that race track deal, helicopter deal and a number of expensive non-conservative decisions made by the political moderates Milike and Richards; (Al French is made if the selfsame metal)
Matt Shea would be an excellent choice for Spokane County Commissioner. His track record as state Washington State Rep is stellar and would be the voice the people need to find out what is really going on with county government.
Scoutster on March 20 at 10:02 a.m.
mmspowaus…writes
“No self-respecting conservative commissioner would have EVER signed on for…”
Ahhh…maybe you are starting to catch on to the Big Lie. Those who call themselves conservatives are really just good at advertising campaigns (they have a lot of money) with teary-soft Hallmark moment themes or in your face blather. Then, when elected, they ACT by stiffing us with huge debt (local, state, federal) while blaming everyone else.
It’s worked pretty well for 30 years for them.
Not so good for us however. Welcome to the recovery room.
Five commissioners would be great if we have some diversity of thought (districts?), not just a self-congratulatory politburo of 5 instead of 3.
DickAdams on March 20 at 11:57 a.m.
Hire Judy Collins to sing her infamous song, “Bring on the clowns”. She could sing it just before the county commissioners TV comedy on Tuesday nights.
vanman on March 20 at 1:05 p.m.
Hawken would be a great addition — he seems to think he is all-knowing and wise and wonderful…. he would fit right in!!
eagleproducer on March 20 at 1:09 p.m.
As I “sail self-satisfied through an air of pompous smug.”
What?
drsqawken on March 20 at 2:22 p.m.
What is selfsame metal?
Lulubelle on March 20 at 6:47 p.m.
Mielke, Richard & French are self-serving right-wing Republicans that will play the moderate card if they think it will buy a few votes. They are a sorry bunch indeed. With the racetrack’s ongoing issues, and Bigelow Gulch fiasco brewing, lets hope the jail boondoggle proves to be the third strike…OUT!
mmspowaus on March 21 at 8:07 a.m.
Scoutster: The current Spokane County Commissioners are at best moderate GOP; one with established DNC roots. Two have been in office since 2004 and one is newly elected. Conversely, the DNC has controlled most of the state of WA government for 30+ years and we are over $6 billion in debt. You are not trying to derail this thread by injecting extraneous issues into the dialog? Why not talk about the abortion, capital punishment and Vietnam as well?
Vanman: A very petty personal attack dude, do better…
Eagleproducer: Take a course in creative writing; perk up when they mention metaphors, similes and sarcasm.
drswaken: Take a course in Shakespeare; perk up when they mention King Lear’s daughters.
Lulubelle on March 21 at 10:39 a.m.
mmspowaus - your boy Shea smells like a Bircher to me.
mmspowaus on March 21 at 11:02 a.m.
Lulubelle:
Love the dog, where’s the pony?
Shea is a good man; I’ve tracked him for years. He is the best I’ve seen in WA, TX, and DC politics….