The Slice: Ballcaps, mullets and pickups: What’s not to love about this city?
It’s the age-old question.
Is Spokane a good place to be, or a good place to be from?
In years past, answering that required soul-searching, market analysis and extended debate.
But now, thanks to The Slice, it’s a simple matter of playing 20 Questions.
1. Are you sure you could make more money elsewhere?
2. Do you wake up in a cold sweat, muttering “No … no … tell me we didn’t elect her again”?
3. Would you like to attend major league sporting events without driving 300 miles?
4. Do reactions to your sexual orientation make you feel like an outsider?
5. Have you ever described Spokane as “pickup-infested”?
6. Do references to the S-R as “The Socialist Review” make you sigh and stare off into space?
7. Do expectations that you will marry/have kids/tend to your yard weigh on you like a loaded cement mixer?
8. Do you dislike everything to do with The Lake?
9. Do you abhor camping?
10. Are your fond recollections of Spokane limited to getting a kick out of recalling the conveyor belt system at that one Rosauers?
11. Would you like to enter a waiting room without seeing the person who sat next to you in algebra?
12. Have you been unable to forget that the public radio station’s phone number is EAT-KPBX?
13. Have you had dreams in which the stuffed polar bear that used to be out at the airport turns to you and says, “Cal-i-forny is the place you ought to be”?
14. Are you regarded as a nonconformist because your pants fit?
15. Can you say that you have never worn a ballcap at a funeral?
16. Were you behind that free-loaner bicycle program that resulted in all the bikes getting chucked into the river?
17. Do people just look at you blankly when you say, “Expo ’74 was a long time ago”?
18. Do your prefer events that do not issue T-shirts or are not referred to as a “feed”?
19. Is it your sincere belief that there are no all-you-can-eat buffets or son-of-mullet hairstyles in other cities?
20. And you contend that you wouldn’t miss the crows and marmots?
If you answered “Yes” to all those, it might be better to be “from” here. If not, well, see you around.
Today’s Slice question: Does every big-league baseball team have at least a few serious fans in the Spokane area?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; email firstname.lastname@example.org. Maybe the spam filter snagged your email.