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People column: A quiet life? Dream on

Sun., May 1, 2011

Steven Tyler’s new memoir has a million of ’em.

Like that night in 1978 when he blacked out on stage while singing “Reefer-Headed Woman.”

Or when Aerosmith visited the White House on the day President Bill Clinton was impeached.

Or that weird weekend with Keith Richards at Bing Crosby’s old house on Long Island. Everyone, Tyler writes, “was gacked to the nines on coke.”

His “Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?” reads like an even wilder and louder version of Richards’ best-selling autobiography, “Life.”

Tyler, 63, settles back and tells story after story about life in the “most decadent, lecherous, sexiest, nastiest band in the land.”

Or as he puts it: “To snort or not to snort. That wasn’t even a question.”

The road was so crazy that Tyler can’t remember how many times he was arrested.

He recalls visiting Paul and Linda McCartney backstage with Bebe Buell, the mother of his daughter, Liv.

Buell and Linda McCartney do not hit it off. Buell calls her “Sluggo.” McCartney answers “Sluggett.” They wrestle to the floor.

But the men are cool. “I like your music, man,” Paul says.

Tyler explains how “Walk This Way” was partially inspired by Mel Brooks’ horror spoof “Young Frankenstein” and the famous line uttered by Marty Feldman. The band cracked up and a song was born.

He tells how he was touring in France in June 2010 when he got a text from “American Idol” judge Kara DioGuardi asking if he wanted to give the show a try.

Tyler signed on before telling the band. He remembers guitarist Joe Perry barging into his dressing room, furious that he learned about it from the press.

But that’s all “water under the bridge,” Tyler says. The tour was “beyond successful,” he writes, and if he bombs on “Idol,” he still has a day job.

“And, boy, what a day job I got!”

The birthday bunch

Singer Judy Collins is 72. Singer Rita Coolidge is 66. Actor Dann Florek (“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”) is 60. Actor Charlie Schlatter (“Diagnosis Murder”) is 45. Country singer Tim McGraw is 44. Actor Darius McCrary (“Family Matters”) is 35.

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