The Slice: Varying degrees of eggheads

Perhaps you have asked yourself: What kind of person am I?

Some will tell you that arriving at an answer involves a complex process of assessing your actions, intentions and character. But there is an easier way.

Just check out The Slice’s Spokane Personality Profile Guide.

This revealing tell-all is based on your handling of eggs in grocery stores.

As personality-evaluation systems go, it is guaranteed to be no more ridiculous than many others.

So which description fits you?

Carefree Sprite: You just grab a carton and put it in your shopping cart, never once opening it to see if there are any cracked eggs.

No one has ever accused you of being uptight. And yet, despite being caught off guard by one unhappy surprise after another, you skip through life seemingly oblivious to the prospect that things can and do go wrong.

Hand Wringer: You lift each egg out of the carton and scrutinize it as if it is an heirloom pocket-watch marred by a scratch you had never noticed before.

You believe in taking precautions. You believe that pessimism is a preemptive strike.

Stuck in the Middle: You open the lid and gently wobble one or two eggs. Mostly, though, you just hope they’re all intact.

Neither latter-day hippie nor anal-retentive worrier, you try to be reasonably prudent as you stumble through life. But you have a lot to do and only so much time to get it all done.

Eureka: You take inordinate pleasure in discovering cracked eggs.

You’re a little weird, but not in a bad way.

Zoned Out: You forget to get eggs because you also forgot your list.

You’re normal.

Preacher: You enjoy telling strangers why they shouldn’t eat eggs.

You mean well. But you have lost the ability to read facial expressions. You know that look people give you? That doesn’t mean “Thank you for rescuing me from my own ignorance and poor judgment.”

Today’s Slice question: Anyone around here ever start to fear he or she is showing signs of tinnitus before realizing that the buzzing in the ears is actually the sound of lawn mowers down the block?