May 10, 2011 in City

Near-victim takes devotion to a whole new reality

By The Spokesman-Review
 
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Listen to Doug Clark’s “Stand By Your Klan”

Edgar Steele, former Aryan Nations shyster, was found guilty late last week of hiring some thug to blow his wife, Cyndi, (and her mother) to smithereens.

Can’t say I didn’t see that train a’coming.

I was a tad disappointed, however, to learn that the federal jurors in Boise didn’t also find Cyndi guilty of being the thickest brick on the planet.

Far be it from me to pick on the victim of record.

But Mrs. Steele’s misguided faith in her hubby is not just dumb, it’s Larry the Cable Guy dumb.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a firm believer in the concept of blind, unquestioning loyalty. It is the foundation of some of our most successful criminal institutions, after all.

The Mafia, say.

Or Wall Street.

I couldn’t believe Mrs. Steele’s halting, emotional defense of Edgar after the verdict rolled in. She’s still singing the same old Tammy Wynette tune.

Hey, speaking of which. This would be a swell time to give another listen to “Stand By Your Klan.”

That’s the parody song I released last summer in honor of Cyndi.

Give it a tumble at www.spokesman.com.

Cyndi swears she’s not suffering from the Stockholm syndrome and I believe her.

It’s more like Lock-Stock-and- Blockhead syndrome.

This, of course, is not the proper venue to rehash all of the evidence and preposterous defense theories.

This is your improper venue for cheap laughs, snarky asides and one-liners.

Suffice it to say that Mrs. Steele believes her poor Edgar – who bears an uncanny resemblance to Klaus Kinski’s 1979 movie portrayal of the vampire Nosferatu – was framed due to his aforementioned legal work for those Hitler-loving Aryan ass clowns.

Wake up, Cyndi!

Cops aren’t that creative. If the feds want to frame someone they don’t go around hatching complicated plots involving hit men and homemade pipe bombs.

They follow the playbook and plant a pound-a coke in the patsy’s car trunk.

This should tell you all you need to know about Cyndi’s dysfunctional allegiance to Edgar.

We learned in the trial that, prior to his arrest, Mr. Steele had sent more than 14,000 computer messages to women he met through an online dating service.

Steele told one of the women, 25-year-old Tatyana Loginova, that he would “never have another American woman, never again.”

Now, any normal, rational human being would peg Steele as the smarmy old philanderer he most certainly is.

Cyndi, however, is not normal. She testified that her spouse of 25 years was merely conducting research into the Russian mail order bride business.

OK. I’d like to take a moment to say a few words to all the women who might be reading this.

Ladies, if you catch your man using the computer to conduct research into a Russian mail order business, here are the steps you should take.

1. Find a phonebook.

2. Open Yellow Pages to “Attorneys.”

3. Begin conducting your own research project into the section marked “Divorce & Family.”

If, however, you discover that your man has sent 14,000-plus emails to available foreign women and that one of them is a 25-year-old Ukrainian named Tatyana, please put the above three steps on hold until after you check into a motel under an assumed name.

But whatever you do, just don’t start your car without first checking the wheel wells and undercarriage for things that go “BOOM!!!”

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.


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