May 21, 2011 in Features

The Slice: They’re not willing to go with the flow

By The Spokesman-Review
 

The Slice knows what Spokane women want.

They want males in their homes to urinate into plastic cups.

Oh, they don’t wish to be quoted by name about this. But that’s what they want guys to do first when using the facilities. Or so I’m told.

This has nothing to do with drug testing. The cups in question are the large size found at picnics and keggers.

And this is not a case of one gender attempting to infantilize the other.

No, the pertinent theme is the unappealing implications of poor aim and erratic stream integrity.

And that’s all I’ll say about that. Except this: Every time I bring up an admittedly earthy topic such as this, a few readers go ape.

That’s their right.

But you know what? Real life isn’t all lilacs and sultry breezes.

Just wondering: Have you noticed a resurgence of hostility toward former Californians around here? It seemed like that had died down. But I’m hearing a fair amount of it lately.

Perhaps that simply reflects increasingly vocal hostility toward everything.

Full disclosure: I lived in California when my father was transitioning from B-36s to B-52s. But I was about 2 and my lifestyle was not what you would call regionally flavored.

Another tentative epitaph: “Please Don’t Ex-Hume Me,” wrote Dwight Hume.

Reader challenge: Several correspondents noted that all our local lakes combined wouldn’t approach the surface area of even the smallest of the Great Lakes.

But Dave Whipple reported that adding Lake Pend Oreille to Lake Coeur d’Alene would give you a surface larger than the celebrated Lake Tahoe.

Memory lane: When I worked in Tucson 30 years ago, I wrote some newspaper stories about a group of people who sold their homes, et cetera, in anticipation of being raptured into heaven.

Didn’t happen.

Today’s Slice questions: Some old ones have moving parts that squeak when you shift your weight. Others have surfaces that sort of adhere to your back and hindquarters and make noise anytime you change positions.

So here are the questions.

Who has the loudest chair in the Spokane area?

And does watching a TV show or movie with someone who is sitting in that chair pretty much guarantee that certain lines of dialogue are going to be drowned out by furniture noise?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; email pault@spokesman.com. Thanks for all the unsolicited snapshots of marmots.


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