Friend’s choice of words disturbing

Dear Carolyn: I have a friend who manages to work the word “rape” into a large number of conversations. This is incredibly triggering for me, and I don’t appreciate her making light of such a difficult thing. I’ve asked her not to say it a few times, but I don’t want to make it obvious how much distress it causes me.

In her defense, she knows nothing of my past. Even so, I feel like it’s an inappropriate word to throw around, regardless of who you’re around. How do I let her know this makes me uncomfortable without telling her things about myself that I’m not ready to reveal? (Especially to someone who treats it as a joke.) – M.

Interesting friend you have.

You can tell the truth without noting that it’s your truth. “Please be more careful with your choice of words. Throwing the word ‘rape’ around lightly is offensive, particularly to victims of sexual assault.”

She: “Oh, it’s just an expression.”

You: “With all due respect – no, it’s not. And is it really a word you can’t live without?”

If she comes back at you with a pry-o-gram about whether you’re speaking from experience, point out – again, truthfully, if not whole-truthfully – that that’s not what you said, you’re merely making a general statement.

Also please use any further resistance on her part as a cue to read her nutritional label; friends with a low decency content need to be treated as junk food, not as the stuff that sustains you.