The Slice: Not much new at Marmot Lodge

It’s time for an update on the activities of the Marmot Lodge (official name, The International Order of Friendly Sons and Daughters of the Marmots).

Here’s my report.

I remain Exalted Grand Poobah.

Our motto remains “E Pluribus Marmot.”

We have held no meetings (though there has been talk of organizing a modest gathering to coincide with the 20th anniversary of The Slice column on Aug. 3, 2012).

We have tackled no projects.

We have not elected officers.

We have not raised the dues. (They remain fixed at zero dollars per month.)

No one connected to the loyal Marmots has been accused of misappropriating lodge funds.

There has been no sexual harassment scandal linked to the lodge.

No members have been asked to join a committee.

There have been no changes to the bylaws.

There are still no bylaws.

No little-known codicils have been tacked on.

There have been no arguments about guest speakers.

Membership remains open to all persons of good will who don’t get on my nerves.

The current application process involves asking the Grand Poobah if you can join and being told “Sure.”

The secret handshake remains a secret.

Members have not been asked to beg people for money.

A lack of meetings notwithstanding, the mission statement remains “To identify ways in which Spokane is screwed up and figure out what to do about it while enjoying adult beverages.”

There is still no dress code, though the Grand Poobah retains the right to critique those who attend lodge functions dressed like 9-year-old boys at summer camp.

There have been no lodge functions.

Completed charter member applications from the summer of 2007 remain locked in a file cabinet for which I have not been able to locate a key in several years.

The Marmot Lodge remains independent of The Spokesman-Review’s editorial page.

An official Marmot Lodge T-shirt has not been produced.

The lodge has sponsored no fun runs, hamburger feeds, bake sales, recall petitions, pledge drives or fantasy leagues.

No minutes have been kept.

Today’s Slice question: Has the economy made it more difficult to pad expense accounts with dubious charges?