November 12, 2011 in Features

The Slice: A recipe for holiday harmony

By The Spokesman-Review
 

There might not be time to set it up for this Thanksgiving.

But maybe we could have the plan in place by Thanksgiving of 2012, when the presidential election will be a fresh triumph/wound.

I think there should be a registry of unattached Spokane area vegetarians and that those folks should make themselves available to families who want to enjoy the holiday without political snarling.

Here’s how this would work.

Right after Halloween, those hosting Thanksgiving gatherings could consult the Spokane Vegetarians Registry and invite someone on that list to a holiday feast.

People love to be flabbergasted by those who don’t eat meat, and never more so than at Thanksgiving. So whenever it appeared that the dinner conversation was about to get heated, the hostess could use the special guest’s diet as a distraction.

“So, Phil, you don’t eat meat. But what about mincemeat?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Or … “How’s that tofurkey, Janet? Were the soybeans slaughtered humanely?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

But you might ask, why would vegetarians volunteer to be abused by easily amused dolts just to keep Grandpa and Aunt Sally from getting into it about tax policy and then going at each other with carving implements?

One reason. It would be an unmatched public relations opportunity.

A fair number of people suspect that vegetarians are preachy, more-earnest-than-thou snobs. But if carnivores actually got to meet one and that person turned out to be a good sport, well, imagine what that could do to increase acceptance of dietary choice.

The thing is, certain vegetarians have been known to harbor passionate public policy views of their own. So instead of offering themselves as meekly smiling pinatas, some of them would love nothing more than to get in there and mix it up.

So maybe this whole thing would not work. You probably don’t need to have a stranger tell Uncle Clifford that he is a sexist, racist pig.

That’s your job.

Happy holidays.

Today’s Slice question: How long do you give a TV show to win you over? A book? A movie?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Check out the Too Many Cooks blog at www.spokesman.com. If you want to see an interesting spread between the daily high and low temperatures, keep track of Flagstaff, Ariz., on page A2.

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