You’ve seen the Business Beat in the Sunday paper, right? It’s a list of people who have been hired, promoted and honored. Good for them. But in this challenging economy, it doesn’t quite capture all that’s happening. So, in that vein, here’s the rest of the story (all names and circumstances are fictional):
Bob Harper, a reduction specialist, has been let go at Trim the Fat, a weight-loss clinic and management consulting firm. Prior to working there, he collected Beanie Babies and unemployment checks.
Holly Flax was rightsized at 24/7 Solutions, a human resources consulting firm, where she was previously repurposed and reimagined.
Freddie Mack was “given a new opportunity” in the foreclosure division of Evergreen Mutual. Prior to that, he was vice president of subprime lending.
Mike Brady, a civil engineer, was downsized at Asphalt Excellence, a highway construction firm specializing in shovel-ready projects.
Doralee Rhodes has been hired as a sales associate at The Half Dollar Store. Prior to that, she was a small-business loan officer, mortgage broker, condo flipper and city councilwoman.
Les Moore was promoted to paid intern at The Daily Tribune, where he will cover cops, courts, the state legislature and high school football. Prior to that, he was blogger.
Al Dunlap was downsized at Do-Overs, a firm specializing in résumé polishing and worker retraining.
Bill Lumbergh has been involuntarily separated from Initech Software. Prior to that, he was indefinitely furloughed, following a reassignment to part-time status.
Ethan Edwards has stopped searching for work. Prior to that, federal statisticians listed him as unemployed.
Sylvia Suerte’s job as defined benefits pension manager for Life Certitude Corp. has been eliminated. Prior to that, she worked for DynoTape, a VCR manufacturing company. She’s now looking for work in the newspaper industry.
Klara Novak has been hired as a sales associate for E-Reader Inc. Prior to that, she owned Ye Olde Books & Music.
Monica Geller has opened a food truck in the financial district featuring gourmet PBJs. Prior to that, she was the head chef at Steak Holders.
Denny Crane, Alan Shore, Shirley Schmidt, Paul Lewiston, Lori Colson, Tara Wilson, Sally Heep, Sara Holt, Brad Chase and Denise Bauer have been hired at Dewey DeFray and Howe, a rapidly expanding law firm specializing in bankruptcy.
Joan Jettison’s job at Outsource International has been, well, you know.
Fickle finger of fate. Spokane is going on its seventh mayor in the 14 years I’ve been a resident. Part of the rapid turnover is due to the transition to the strong mayor form of government and the recall of Jim West, but, still, the last mayor to win re-election was David Rodgers in 1973, when “Keep on Truckin’ ” by Eddie Kendricks topped the pop charts. Folks were much freer with their love back then.
By comparison, Coeur d’Alene’s mayor, Sandi Bloem, was first elected in 2001, or five mayors ago in Spokane (John Powers). Then there’s Steve Lacy, who has won four consecutive terms in East Wenatchee. He first took office in 1998 and has seen six Spokane mayors serve and be severed.
We’re not sure what we want in Spokane, but we’re certain what it isn’t.
Giant Slice of reality. The Herman Cain sexual harassment allegations are distracting from the fact that he isn’t able to lead a superpower. Remember the doubts about Barack Obama being able to answer the 3 a.m. phone call related to some world crisis? We could ask infamous terrorists about that, if they were available for comment. Like him or not, Obama clearly understands foreign policy.
As for Cain, such policy is simply foreign. He’s lighthearted about not knowing who leads Uzbekistan, but it’s no joke when he professes concern over China pursuing the nuclear arms capabilities it secured nearly 50 years ago.
It’s like applying for president of a pizza chain and suggesting pepperoni as a new topping.