Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with The Spokane Guy Distracted by Thoughts of Oktoberfest.
Slice: How much has the Spokane political landscape changed since the primary election?
Distracted Guy: You know what I could go for right now? A sausage – a big spicy one.
Slice: Are you an early leaf-raker or more of a hope-for-a-big-wind man?
Distracted Guy: I can’t stand people who sip a beer. Maybe that’s the way to enjoy some beverages. But beer should be poured in, with gusto.
Slice: Can you name three women who might not have jobs on TV if they didn’t have big breasts?
Distracted Guy: Well, there’s that Stephanie on the Weather Channel and … hey, you know what sounds good right now? Mustard. I don’t really care what it’s on. I just want to go down on something slathered with mustard, preferably a zesty variety.
Slice: Ever seen some gruff old neighbor slowly bend over to pet a cat and found your attitude about him softening?
Distracted Guy: By Halloween, I intend to have consumed six barrels’ worth of sauerkraut.
Slice: Do you think KXLY’s latest anchor shuffle will do the trick?
Distracted Guy: What? I’m sorry. I was thinking about the many ways potatoes and vinegary cabbage complement each other.
Slice: I have a dictionary at my desk that is older than some of my co-workers. Where do you fall in the age range of those at your office?
Distracted Guy: I’ve found that if I eat enough cheese, I can quaff beer from cannon-sized mugs. I still get tipsy, but I don’t feel like getting up and moving around. So I’m not a danger to myself or others.
Slice: If you could tweak Spokane’s weather, what one change would you make?
Distracted Guy: I tell you what Spokane needs: more women dressed like the St. Pauli girl.
Slice: Thanks for your time.
Distracted: Sure. Want to hear me speak what I call “October German”? OK: This wurst is wundebar!
Today’s Slice question: On what area lake is motor noise most relentless?