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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

‘Cold’ in-law may just be awkward

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar Kathy Mitchell

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been together for nine years. His parents are divorced. His mother has always made me feel welcome, but I have never been comfortable around my father-in-law. He is cold and doesn’t acknowledge me. I am less than thrilled when we have to go to his house.

Two years ago, I had a hysterectomy. My father-in-law called later in the week and acted offended that no one had informed him that the surgery went well.

Is it acceptable for me to simply bow out of the picture? My husband and kids can spend time with my father-in-law, but I’d rather not. I find it painful to be around him. How do I communicate this without causing a rift? – Outsider

Dear Outsider: Some people give the impression of being remote, when in reality, they are socially awkward. Your father-in-law may care very much, but doesn’t know how to show it, so he appears aloof. Since he is family and his major flaw is coldness, not meanness, we’d suggest putting up with it when you can. That means seeing Dad once every third visit or so. That should be enough to maintain the relationship, while still giving you some respite.

Dear Annie: You printed a letter from “Naive in the Midwest,” whose 70-something friend suddenly began propositioning the other (married) women in his social group. It was threatening their friendship of many years. Thank you for suggesting that she tell his wife to get him to a doctor because such behavior could indicate a stroke or dementia.

Late in life, my father began making odd sexual comments, telling off-color jokes and sending my siblings and me inappropriate birthday cards. Only after he died of a massive stroke did we learn he had been suffering small strokes for quite a while. Seeing his doctor may save their friendship – and his life. – Also In The Midwest