The Slice: Smashing interview with ‘the bagger’

The Slice has managed to land an interview with the Spokane grocery bagger who puts cans on top of bananas and tomatoes.

You won’t believe what this kid had to say.

The Slice: After decades of grocery shoppers complaining about this exact thing, how is it that you don’t realize that this really annoys people?

Bagger: I haven’t been doing this for decades. This is just a temporary gig. I’m going to be a model and direct movies for online.

The Slice: I know some of the managers at your store. They are not dopes. Surely your training touched on the need to protect soft produce.

Bagger: What-ever.

The Slice: Do you understand that in your case customer service involves listening and a willing subservience? You can’t show that you are angry about not having any power in the relationship by putting heavy stuff on top of the bread.

Bagger: Look, every day of my life my mother told me that I was perfect and special. And I am. So why don’t I have my own TV show yet? This job is an assault on my self-esteem.

The Slice: What goes through your mind when you look around and see that many of the other baggers are attentive, careful and cheerful? And have you noticed that they divide up the groceries in a way that suggests cognitive activity?

Bagger: What?

The Slice: What goes through your mind when you put a can on top of a ripe tomato?

Bagger: It’s time for my break.

The Slice: Do you believe that any job is worth doing well?

Bagger: I believe that I’m about to shake the dust of this town off my shoes and take it on down the line to Vegas, Miami or some other place in Frisco.

The Slice: Do you believe in karma?

Bagger: Is that like when old people bring in their dinky canvas bags and expect you to fit everything into them even though there’s way too much stuff?

The Slice: Do you think it would help if you actually looked at the items you were bagging instead of staring off into space?

Bagger: Have a nice day.

Today’s Slice question: Are fair-goers an accurate representation of this area’s population?