Difficult to watch son suffer abuse

Dear Annie: My son has been married to “Josie” for 11 years. I admit I never cared for her. She has a volatile temper and creates destructive scenes. Once they married, I did my best to be friendly, hoping she would mellow with time. She has not. In the past three years, Josie’s violent behavior has escalated. She used to put holes in the walls and destroy dishes and furniture. Now she hits my son. If he defends himself, she calls the police and has him arrested. This has become a regular routine.

She held a loaded gun in his face. I’m scared to death that she is going to kill him. On top of that, their children are frequent witnesses to this madness. They have seen their father hauled off to jail numerous times, even though he is never the aggressor. Josie has actually hit herself in the face to create the impression that she’d been beaten.

I’ve pleaded with my son to get her help because she is mentally ill. Josie says she doesn’t need counseling or medication, and my son cannot get her to go. Quite honestly, I don’t think he’s tried very hard. Josie’s family wants little to do with her, and her own mother warned my son not to marry her. He inherited money from his grandparents, and she has spent the majority of it on illegal drugs, yet he always goes back to her. I know I can’t force him to do anything, but I want to protect my grandchildren. They always rally to their mother’s defense despite her putting them in harm’s way. What can I do? – A Concerned Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: This sounds like a nightmare. Abused men often are reluctant to get help. Please urge your son to contact the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (dahmw.org) at 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754). You also can call the Department of Children and Family Services, explain what is going on and ask them to investigate. And if you ever witness Josie hitting your son, call the police and file a report.