The Slice: Gushing would be so grand

The other day I encountered a young woman I hadn’t seen in some time.

She was downtown with her husband and their baby daughter. I made a low-key fuss about the kid. As it happens, the child is pretty darned cute.

At some point, the baby’s mother suggested I probably have grandchildren and that this baby-praising routine was likely nothing new to me.

In fact, I don’t have any grandchildren. But from what I have observed, it would be fun to talk about them. Why, I’ve already imagined what that would be like.

“My grandson/ granddaughter/ grandchildren …”

“… just got out of detox and is doing great.”

“… is the only kid in Spokane with Bloomsday shirts from two consecutive years.”

“… keeps me young by helping me appreciate some truly awful music.”

“… said something cute that I thought about sending to The Slice but I decided against it because, well, that would be weird.”

“… has been accepted at Stanford and Dartmouth and the kid is only 3.”

“… is obviously a genius because of the intuitive way she burps up.”

“… is going to be the first three-term mayor of Spokane.”

“… promised me he wouldn’t get any tattoos until he is 4.”

“… is always wanting to borrow my ‘vintage’ bicycle.”

“… watches ‘Wings of the Luftwaffe’ with me and asks good questions about my father.”

“… agrees that his parents’ values are a complete mystery.”

“… is dating all three of Kris Crocker’s daughters.”

“… believed me when I said I was the drummer on one of the Byrds’ early albums.”

“… can pick up cats that would tear anyone else a new one.”

“… is proof that camping aversion skips a generation.”

“… is polite around her grandmother, so I don’t say anything about the way she dresses.”

“… body-checked this one kid so hard I thought they were going to end the game.”

“… seems to think I was around during Prohibition.”

“… would have been spoiled rotten by the great-grandfathers.”

“… always smells like peanut butter and jelly.”

“… gives me hope.”

Today’s Slice question: Is there someone in your family who temporarily turns into a crazy person while watching a certain sports team?