September 22, 2011 in City

Clark: PETA puts passers-by into win-fin situation

Doug Clark The Spokesman-Review

Video: PETA protests the eating of fish

PETA protesters dressed as fish flop in front of Sushi.com restaurant in downtown Spokane on Wednesday, trying to bring awareness of the plight of fish consumed by humans.
(Full-size photo)

Kooky members of PETA want us to stop fishing because fish can feel pain and are intelligent.

Yeah?

Well I’ve never heard of a fish passing the Mensa entrance exam.

And if fish are such geniuses why haven’t they figured out how to avoid all the nets, hooks and tuna cans?

True, a blowfish could fill in for our county prosecutor without anyone noticing. But the same could be said for a hand puppet or a peanut shell.

Fish IQ aside, there’s no question about the three shirtless actors who pretended to be dead fish in a Wednesday PETA protest in Spokane.

They’re dumber than a box of bait.

Daubed with gray-blue body paint and wearing gauzy fins, the trio spent the good part of an hour with their bare backs pressed against the sidewalks at Main and Stevens.

Sure, they had this flimsy piece of netting to sprawl on. But that’s no protection.

Have you seen the spit-caked condition of our downtown sidewalks lately? If these idiots don’t wind up with a staph infection or a flesh-eating disease it’ll be a miracle.

The three didn’t speak during the protest. Next to their bodies were signs that read, “Suffocated” and “Gutted Alive.”

I knew PETA would leave out the most important description of all.

“Tasty!”

That’s why I crashed the PETA party. I wanted to present an alternative (read: sane) point of view by giving away Filet-O-Fish sandwiches that were hot off the grill from a nearby McDonald’s.

“Getcher free fish sandwich,” I hollered.

“You can’t enjoy the protest on an empty stomach!”

Don’t thank me. Thank the newsroom petty cash supply.

Someone told me the PETA spokesboob called me insensitive.

Really?

During a 2003 visit to Spokane, some PETA ass clowns compared the deaths of chickens in the poultry industry to the genocide of 6 million Jews during the Holocaust.

Their display included large death camp photographs of skin-and-bone bodies tossed into enormous piles. Juxtaposed next to this nightmare were photographs of hens cramped in cages at a chicken plant.

“To animals,” read a caption, “all people are Nazis.”

This is the sort of perverse, radical nonsense that PETA is known for.

And I’m insensitive?

Maybe so. But I was pretty popular, too.

Gawkers scarfed down my supply of 32 fish sandwiches in less than 10 minutes.

Everyone who took one was all smiles.

“I need one of those,” said Ryan Blackhurst, one of the lucky eaters, who added: “I wonder if their next protest will be about the corn screaming when it gets picked.”

If so I’ll bring cornbread.

Not to complain, but this PETA stunt didn’t live up to all the “naked” hype.

OK, the two dudes were topless. But the fish actress had the business end of her breasts covered with some sort of star-shaped stickers.

That’s falsie advertising.

My pal Scott Cooper and I arrived at the protest site ahead of the protestors, a little before noon.

The only other person there was a woman police officer who was sitting in her squad car.

I offered her a fishwich to be polite and to let her know what game I was playing.

“You’re not gonna be naked, are you?” she asked, declining my free meal deal. “Don’t do that to me.”

You know, that’s the nicest thing a Spokane cop has said to me in ages.

Doug Clark can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or dougc@spokesman.com.

26 comments on this story so far. Add yours!

polistra on September 22 at 5:38 a.m.
peanut shell :)
wobble506 on September 22 at 6:28 a.m.
ROFL!
Great one Doug! Passing out fish sandwiches, a great touch.
Maybe I’ll go catfishing this weekend one more time, and see if I can hear them scream….
metaline on September 22 at 7:59 a.m.
You were insensitive! Insensitive because you didn’t provide drinks too!
rosehips on September 22 at 8:01 a.m.
Am I missing a news article about the protest? I can’t seem to find one. Does the Spokesman think that Doug Clark satire is sufficient?
Come on…
Upthewazzu on September 22 at 8:31 a.m.
PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals
terryalan on September 22 at 8:58 a.m.
Would have been funny to go down and stage a conversation about how some fish can change gender under stressful circumstances….and observe the tiny penises and how they must be going through such a change…..
Have to admit, I like the fish sandwich idea better. I also heard that business at sushi.com was about double from usual, so thank PETA for the advertising and awareness. I did not know about the restaurant, I’ll have to check it out….
People Eating Tasty Animals…
love it!
Diana on September 22 at 11:17 a.m.
It’s odd what some people find to be hilarious. From Doug Clark through the t-shirt slogans, it seems like I’ve stumbled onto a middle school comedy site.
The assertion was that fish feel pain, so Doug Clark buys a bunch of fish sandwiches and hilarity ensues. Yep. Middle school.
SpokaneSportsFan on September 22 at 1:04 p.m.
I know funny, and PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals is funny.
Well done, Upthewazzu, well done.
Diana on September 22 at 1:33 p.m.
Except upthewazzu boosted it from a slogan that has been on t-shirts for about twenty years.
So it’s not just middle school. It’s unoriginal middle school.
detroitdude on September 22 at 1:41 p.m.
“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully”
-George W. Bush
Itsgodswill on September 22 at 1:48 p.m.
Diana, you must forgive all of them. This is the typical ignorance from the anti-PETA people. All the same unoriginal crap everytime.
I’ve been vegetarian for 8 years, and even I admit that PETA is just an extremist group and a lot of the stuff they do/say is really stupid. But the fact is that those who make fun of PETA always have the same stupid, unoriginal things to say. At least bring something intelligent to the table.
terryalan on September 22 at 2:53 p.m.
It’s the waste of time of the actual ‘protest’ that I’m laughing at.
Frankly I don’t care if fish DO feel pain. I bet my pleasure lasts longer than their pain…fried, poached, sushi, grilled, steamed, in a sandwich [loves me a filet-o-fish!]…smoked….ceviche…..lemon butter, lemon pepper, bouillabasse…..
Have you ever picked your lobster from the tank? We brought some home and had lobster races on the kitchen counter while waiting for the big pot to boil…I swear I heard little shrill shrieking when they took the hot swim….mmmmm jumbo shrimp cooked whole body so you can snap off the head and suck out the juices and well…head stuff..
God this is making me hungry. And all I have in the freezer is fish sticks….
terryalan on September 22 at 2:57 p.m.
Oh, and godswill? Not interested in forgiveness…save it for someone who would give a sh!%.
Also, you define a difference of opinion as ‘ignorance’, my aren’t YOU full of yourself!
Thoreau on September 22 at 3:37 p.m.
I love fishing, and I love to eat fish.
However, calling a Mc Donalds filet-o-fish sandwich fish, is like calling their mc nuggets chicken.
C’mon Doug, you could have bought real fish to make your point.
PS - I wonder: if those PETA freaks did get a staph infection, do they take antibiotics to KILL the bacteria? The Horror!
MrNatural on September 22 at 3:42 p.m.
I’ve always gone by the motto: To Each Their Own
but this may account for the method of protest…
http://iaomt.org/testfoundation/fishbraingrowth.htm
LADET on September 22 at 4:25 p.m.
Hi Doug-
Just wanted to say that I was really disappointed with your article about the PETA protesters. I am not a PETA member…nor am I a huge fan of SOME of their tactics. But I believe that they do open the eyes and hearts of people every day…which to me is a good thing.
My family (wife, son, daughter and now grandson) are vegetarian / vegan. This is a way of life for us…a serious belief system we’ve had for over 20 years. My question is: Would you attack other groups beliefs in the Spokesman ? Jews ? Christians ? Muslims ? Would you wave a pork sandwich in a Jew’s face ? Would you tell a Hindu how delicious your hamburger is ? Would you write in the Spokesman how you went to an anti abortion or a pro choice demonstration and made fun of them ? This is a free country where activism is allowed ! You’re ridiculing people that are taking advantage of this freedom we are so lucky to have as Americans.
Veganism / vegetarianism is a VERY serious way of life for millions of people. I think your article is extremely insensitive and will only breed MORE ignorance.
Thoughtless, idiotic, crap job.
sincerely-
Jon Swanstrom
terryalan on September 22 at 4:52 p.m.
Dude, eat a steak…lighten up. first off dietary choices do not a religion make, that is a total straw man argument. Your choice of faceless food is a choice. Good for you! Who cares?
Of course activism is allowed. Ridicule is allowed too.
And if you can sincerely ask if Doug would ‘attack’ other groups, you have not been reading his column.
Or do you defend the Westboro Baptists right to protest at funerals?
Itsgodswill on September 23 at 9:58 a.m.
Terryalan, how is it NOT ignorant to walk up to a protest about fish (full of people who feel strongly about what they’re protesting) with fish sandwiches? It isn’t the difference in opinion that makes it ignorant, I don’t expect people to agree with me. the ignorance comes from going to the protest and shoving something in their face that they’re protesting and making fun of their message, just as you’ve done with your “eat a steak” comment.. Every time I see somebody making fun of PETA, or even vegetarianism/veganism in general, it’s always the same stupid comments. Such as “eat a steak”. I see what you did there..Told a vegetarian to eat a steak. HA! You’re about as funny as the countless people who have asked me “What do you eat, grass?”
What’s next, the “you must be skinny and sick all the time since you can’t POSSIBLY get protein from anything other than meat” conversation?
LADET on September 24 at 4:39 p.m.
Ha ha !, Yeah - “DUDE, EAT A STEAK”…so lame. Funny how people that lack the compassion gene also lack the creative gene…(I include Doug Clark in this lot of goobers)
Its sad when people are too ‘tough-guy stubborn’ or afraid to follow their hearts.
“dietary choices do not a religion make” ? what ?? Its not a dietary choice for my family or MILLIONS of other people. There is no CHOICE with us.
I HAVE read Doug’s past columns and have noticed he has a real problem with vegetarians. Some sort of fear. Not sure why. Must be a childhood thing….counseling may help.
I don’t defend the Westboro Babtist members.
I don’t think its right to protest at a soldiers funeral. The members of that church need the same counseling that Doug does. Its ridiculous to be so close minded and insensitive in a world that is already so full of hate and violence.
I recommend seeing the film “EARTHLINGS”
terryalan on September 26 at 7:02 p.m.
Let’s ALL link hands…
Kumbaya my lord
hehehe
Although I certainly don’t speak for Doug, I suspect the vegetarianism/vegan lifestyle is not the focus of the yuks but the sanctimonious self-righteousness of the said disciples….
mmspowaus on September 27 at 6:21 a.m.
If we were not designed to eat meat we would have teeth like herbivores…
PETA and their shenanigans are like crack cocaine to Doug Clark…how can he resist making fun of such obvious media hounds?
Perhaps the fishphille PETA people who wish to help save their gilled brothers by not eating them should go out to sea on the blue pacific, jump in and see if the fish will return the favor….or not…
Itsgodswill on September 27 at 2:40 p.m.
Look at carnivores teeth (I.E. Shark, lion, etc..)…Now look at herbivores teeth (I.E. Cow, horse, etc..)…
Now, which do ours more closely resemble? I don’t know about you, but I personally have 12 teeth out of 28 that are POINTY, but I still would not call them sharp, like a carnivores teeth would be (keep in mind a carnivores teeth are ALL sharp, but just a few pointy ones out of all of them..)
Next, humans have much longer intestines than carnivores do so they can store food longer to absorb all nutrients..What this basically means is that while still in your body, the meat inside of you is rotting while working its way out..Mmmm tasty.
Nothing about us is designed to go out into the wilderness with nothing in hand and be able to catch, rip apart, and eat an animal..If it wasn’t for tools we’ve made to be able to do so, it just wouldn’t happen. Carnivores have all the tools right from the beginning to be able to do all of those things we aren’t able to..
Read and educate yourselves. Or dont and continue your ignorance, I don’t care either way. :)
http://www.waoy.org/26.html
mmspowaus on September 27 at 4:05 p.m.
om·ni·vore /ˈɑ:mnɪˌvoɚ/ noun
plural om·ni·vores [count] technical : an animal that eats both plants and other animals — sometimes used to refer to people
Humans are omnivores not herbivores or carnivores…if you think you are an herbivore, I challenge you to go eat some grass from your lawn and see how that works out…
detroitdude on September 27 at 4:53 p.m.
Interesting discussion….
In particular I think Clark’s bringing fish sandwiches to a fish protest are a bit sophomoric, not to mention, they were doing this in front of Sushi.com. You really can’t draw a comparison between sushi and a filet-o-fish lol, besides that at one time, probably like a year ago, that filet-o-fish was one of 26 other fish swimming, somewhere…
What bothers me is how the tone always eventually becomes accusatory. I’ve always been an omnivore, and I always will be. If I could do fish/shellfish 5-6 nights per week it would be awesome. For my money, nothing can ever beat a perfectly grilled, medium rare sirloin steak. There simply is no substitute.
Physically, fish and shellfish are good for you. I think its a shame so many people don’t like seafood from the get go. This is a controllable, renewable, profitable, and reasonably healthy way to feed every person on this planet. Fish have nearly no fat content (what is fat is actually healthy though, omega-3 fatty acid, healthy cholesterol) and it is not the type of protein where our stomach can’t digest it on the first try, unless of course, you happen to be allergic medically.. Even eating deep fried fish/shellfish is good because the meat is actually steamed and anything unhealthy is from the batter/breading.
However, these people were peacefully protesting for a cause they believe in. Outlandish? Yes, with the get up and all that. Antagonizing them with something as juvenile as filet-o-fish’ is, well, juvenile. Fish know that they eat and mate, this is not a higher order though, especially when eating them is good for you. They feel pain, just like anything with any above cellular organism status does that is fortunate enough to have a nervous system. To deride those who stood up for the fish is sad because, by their own belief system they are not hampering your ability or gluttony to help yourself.
mmspowaus on September 28 at 10:17 a.m.
There is something fishy about your post DetroitDude….
Itsgodswill on September 28 at 11:17 a.m.
You said “If we were not designed to eat meat we would have teeth like herbivores…”
My point is not whether we are herbivores, omnivores or carnivore. I’m not oblivious to the fact that other humans eat meat, obviously showing that we”re omnivore. My point is that we weren’t designed to chase, kill, rip apart, and eat an animal. We have tools created by us to assist in at least the killing, ripping apart, and eating of the animal. THAT”S why we’re omnivores, not because we were just born that way. Natural meat eaters (both carnivores and omnivores) are born with the ability to do all of those things without the use of anything external to their own body. No bullets, no knives, no snares, no fish hooks, no nets, no meat tenderizers… THEY were born to eat meat and I don’t think that we were. I also never said that humans SHOULDN’T eat meat, because we’ve clearly adapted to it. But if meat stopped showing up in grocery stores and restaurants, I guarantee that there would be MUCH less meat in the diet of an average (at least in cities) family, if not totally wiped out of most peoples diets. Which is because why? Not everybody has the tools needed to go out and catch a live animal for dinner. Whether that mean a gun/knife to kill it or the skill and know-how to gut/skin it, then cook it. My dad was a meat eater til the day he died, yet when he went out hunting and had the chance to kill an animal, he couldn’t do it. Because he had too much compassion to see the animal alive, kill it, then be able to take it home and eat it..Animals designed for the killing and eating of another animal seemingly lack compassion and are obviously more concerned with eating than how the other animal feels.. Compassion would be the problem for A LOT of humans put in a situation where they had the choice to try to kill an animal or eat plant based food, and I honestly do believe that most or at least a lot of people would switch to a plant based diet, whether just by choice or being forced into the decision by not knowing how to/not being able to kill an animal..