Dear Annie: I’m 60, divorced and currently seeing “Don.” He’s five years my junior and extremely attentive.
Don has a background of violence (one incident landed him in jail), but he now manages his anger. He also brags about his sexual prowess and then tells me we have no passion in our lovemaking and that’s why he has trouble in bed. He blames it on my hysterectomy.
Don is a good listener and has a great sense of humor. He lives on his parents’ property in exchange for helping his parents around their home and with his dad’s business. For this, he is paid hourly wages. He doesn’t have his own car. He comes and goes as he pleases, eats my food, and has scrapped material and tools from my house and sold them for cash. The bigger issue, however, is that he says he isn’t ready to get married because he doesn’t know me well enough.
Annie, I want some financial stability and long-term commitment in my life. None of my family or friends feels he’s the right guy. We never do anything with other couples. I don’t know who his friends are, but he said I wouldn’t want to hang out with them. They are drinkers and dopers. He’s a recovering alcoholic, but still smokes pot. And he’s lied to me about it. He also spies on me, checking my email and phone messages.
We never argue. I love him for all his kindness and know beyond a doubt that he loves me. Should I give him more time? – Ready To Settle Down
Dear Ready: For the life of us, we can’t understand why you want a lifetime commitment from a 55-year-old who still lives with his parents, doesn’t earn enough to have his own car, takes advantage of you, belittles you in bed, has a bad temper, lies to you, spies on you, smokes pot and hangs around with drinkers. You sound desperate. Please reconsider this relationship. There are worse things than being alone.