April 28, 2012 in Features

Trying too hard to make it work

Kathy Mitchell
 

Dear Annie: I am 57 and single. I truly regret leaving my husband of only three years, but he never wanted to spend time with me, did not communicate, drank beer all the time and spent every day in the garage working on ship models.

My life was easy with him. I didn’t have to do anything but show him affection. I loved him and still do, but I thought I would be happier finding someone I could talk to and do things with. I was married for 34 years to my first husband, and he ended up falling in love with my sister.

How do I get over my second husband and all the regret of leaving him? I told him I made a terrible mistake, but all he said was I should have thought of that earlier. I asked whether I could have two days a month with him. He replied that we could be friends, but nothing more.

I have begun dating again and met a guy I liked initially, but everyone tells me I’d be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. He is controlling and tells me that I “need” to do this and “need” to think that. He says he loves me, but I can’t handle all the arguing over stupid things when we disagree. He thinks the world is out to get him. He doesn’t even shower unless I tell him to. I have sought counseling, and was told not to move in with my new boyfriend. But it hurts to let him go. I am so overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. Please help – Washington

Dear Washington: Take a deep breath, and stop chasing after the men in your life. Your new boyfriend is not the right guy, and the sooner you break it off the better. Yes, it will hurt, but not as much as it would if you stayed with him. Your ex-husband has made it clear that he is no longer interested, and frankly, you didn’t seem happy with him, either. Please use this time to figure out what you want from a relationship. You are trying too hard to have a man in your life and are making poor choices. Go back to your counselor if you think it might help you clarify things.


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