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The Slice: Variations burned out like Spocandle in the wind

Thu., Aug. 23, 2012

Slice reader Elaine Jackson pretty much summed it up.

“You really opened up a Spokane of worms with this nonsense,” she wrote.

Here are a few variations on our theme.

“You spocan’t handle the truth,” said Rick Haglund.

What is it someone wants when he or she asks not to be named in The Slice? “Spokanonymity,” said Jeff Anderson.

John Yancey noted that spocannelloni is one thing that could be served at a spokandlelight dinner.

Jordan Loe asked “Spokane you hear me now?”

And another reader offered “Oh, Spokane you see by the dawn’s early light…”

What vendors at a Spokane market could throw (instead of fish): “Cans of cheap beer,” said Jim McPherson. “Judging by the garbage seen near area rivers and lakes, folks around here have been getting in lots of practice.”

Someone trying to pick up your resident feline: Would be committing “cat-a-cide,” said Ray Dickelman.

Slice answer: “My conspiracy theory is that all the talk by political leaders about the importance of education is a cover-up,” wrote Howard Glass. “They don’t want an electorate of educated critical thinkers because then these political leaders would be out of a job.

“Actually, I don’t believe it’s a conspiracy. That would require political leaders who are educated critical thinkers, and there seem to be few of those. But is there a mastermind behind the scenes?”

Kids and excuses: When Jeff Brown’s son was 4 or 5, he blamed a broken window on a playmate named Kathy. It seems she ducked when he threw a rock at her.

What the queen of England carries in her purse: “I bet she has a handkerchief and a lipstick,” said Carol Nelson. “She doesn’t need a driver’s license or cash.”

Gaylen Wood guessed she carries photos of the royal grandkids.

And Genny McKinley answered this way: “Queen Elizabeth is a Bond Girl. She’s obviously packing heat.”

Today’s Slice question: What have you learned from reading local obituaries?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Florence Young was puzzled by a headline that said “Upside of Drought: Fewer Tomatoes” until she realized it actually said “Tornadoes.”

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