August 31, 2012 in Features

The Slice: So long, youth: See you in senility

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Here’s how to tell that you are no longer young.

If, when later today someone trying to be gently amusing waves goodbye and says “See you in September,” you immediately start hearing an old song with that title.

Another way is if you find that you can relate to this classic quote from Grandpa in “The Simpsons.”

“I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I’m with isn’t it, and what’s it seems weird and scary to me.”

Tell all: They’re probably long gone now. And, assuming they don’t live around here, there’s not much chance they would see your answer.

So … what’s your summer house guest horror story?

This date in Slice history (2002): Grade your summer: A) Redefined euphoric human fulfillment. B) Pretty good. Went by fast. C) Watched a lot of TV. Nothing bad happened. D) Rediscovered my inner yahoo. F) You’ll have to speak to my public defender. Incomplete) Still waiting to hear from the lab.

Re: Last Friday’s Slice: Heard from a couple of readers who admitted that they never learned to ride a bicycle. I told them it’s not too late. But I didn’t offer any suggestions about how to overcome that initial certainty that the bike seat must have been designed by a sadist.

Today’s Slice question: What are the obstacles to making new friends? A) What with my kids and work, I don’t even have time for old friends. B) New friends might cut into my TV time. C) Once you really get to know people, invariably you discover that they are screwed up – so why bother? D) Not being 20 makes it harder. E) The appeal of hanging out and talking nonsense for hours has faded. F) I don’t need one more thing to schedule. G) People don’t seem to warm up to me and I can’t say that I blame them. H) I demand that someone be on my exact wavelength about everything from politics and religion to food, the arts, sports, pets and punctuality. I) If I meet someone I like, it always turns out that this person’s spouse or significant other gets on my nerves. J) In Spokane, the only way to make new friends is if your kids are the exact same age and are signed up for the same after-school activities. K) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Remember how hot it got in early September 1988?

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