Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Your Husband,” who wrote an open letter to his wife explaining how her unwillingness to have sex justified his affair. He was obviously pouring his heart out. I am a 54-year-old woman on hormone replacement. My husband and I enjoy a wonderful sex life, but as I get older, I am less and less interested. I love him and want to make him happy, so once a week I force myself to have sex. If you love someone, you try to understand their needs.
But I respect hard honesty. If he had told his wife how he felt before his affair, they might have reached a mutual agreement. Now, it’s a betrayal of the marriage. He made a decision for both of them without consulting her. How would he feel if she did that? – Emotional in California
Dear Emotional: We were drowning in mail from readers responding to this man’s message, nearly all of it from women. Read on:
From Illinois: This husband is an immature, selfish, spineless jerk. How can he claim he loves his wife and then commit adultery? As long as she fulfills his need for sex, she is perfect, but when the sex stops, all those other things don’t count. He should have the decency to tell her that his need for sex outweighs his love for her.
New York: I am the Other Woman. If his wife has no libido, why should he have to live that way, too? The kicker is that I am also married, and I love my husband. I wonder whether “Your Husband” really has no emotional attachment to the other woman, because I know I am attached to mine. Worse, I am not so turned on by my husband because I have such a strong physical connection with my boyfriend.
Boston: Love does not sneak around, betray or hurt others. That’s why marriage can be hard. Others with the same issue choose to honor their vows of fidelity, talk openly with their spouse and seek help from professionals.