Today The Slice presents the transcript of an exclusive interview with the guy who insists winters in Spokane were way rougher back when he was a kid.
You wouldn’t believe what he had to say.
Q: Isn’t it a bit of a cliché to suggest that winters were harder during our childhoods?
A: Well, they were during mine. So there.
Q: Have you overlooked the fact that we have had a few winters in recent years with eye-popping snowfall totals?
A: It was like that every year when I was a boy.
Q: According to the National Weather Service … uh, never mind. Do you have evidence of your claim?
A: Family photos of our backyard ice rink and snow forts that looked like a castles – in black and white, no less. Winter meant business back when it was in black and white.
Q: And I suppose you trudged to class 4 miles through deep drifts?
A: Nah, my grade school was two blocks away. And they did a pretty good job of keeping the streets clear back then.
Q: Did you have snow-blowers?
A: Are you kidding? We shoveled in the dark. Now we seldom get enough snow to make it worthwhile to fire up my Blizzard King 9000.
Q: Do you think this taming of the season you claim to have observed is a result of global warming?
A: The guy I listen to on the radio every day has instructed me to say that’s a hoax.
Q: Well, what do you believe is going on?
A: I don’t think people today are as hardy as we were. We had the right stuff. But kids today sit on their butts looking at screens and get a ride from the living room to the bathroom.
Q: How would that influence the weather?
A: In my day, we had just a handful of awful TV shows but we watched them, by God, because we knew that one day we would blur the lines between nostalgia and worship.
Q: OK, we’re veering off the subject a bit. One last question. Has your attitude about the challenges presented by winter changed since you were a boy here in Spokane?
A: Not really. I take it in stride. Of course, me and the missus go down to Yuma right after Christmas.
Today’s Slice question: How often has your spouse or significant other expressed concerns about your peripheral vision?