December 18, 2012 in Features

The Slice: The tales grow as tall as the snowdrifts

By The Spokesman-Review

Today The Slice presents the transcript of an exclusive interview with the guy who insists winters in Spokane were way rougher back when he was a kid.

You wouldn’t believe what he had to say.

Q: Isn’t it a bit of a cliché to suggest that winters were harder during our childhoods?

A: Well, they were during mine. So there.

Q: Have you overlooked the fact that we have had a few winters in recent years with eye-popping snowfall totals?

A: It was like that every year when I was a boy.

Q: According to the National Weather Service … uh, never mind. Do you have evidence of your claim?

A: Family photos of our backyard ice rink and snow forts that looked like a castles – in black and white, no less. Winter meant business back when it was in black and white.

Q: And I suppose you trudged to class 4 miles through deep drifts?

A: Nah, my grade school was two blocks away. And they did a pretty good job of keeping the streets clear back then.

Q: Did you have snow-blowers?

A: Are you kidding? We shoveled in the dark. Now we seldom get enough snow to make it worthwhile to fire up my Blizzard King 9000.

Q: Do you think this taming of the season you claim to have observed is a result of global warming?

A: The guy I listen to on the radio every day has instructed me to say that’s a hoax.

Q: Well, what do you believe is going on?

A: I don’t think people today are as hardy as we were. We had the right stuff. But kids today sit on their butts looking at screens and get a ride from the living room to the bathroom.

Q: How would that influence the weather?

A: In my day, we had just a handful of awful TV shows but we watched them, by God, because we knew that one day we would blur the lines between nostalgia and worship.

Q: OK, we’re veering off the subject a bit. One last question. Has your attitude about the challenges presented by winter changed since you were a boy here in Spokane?

A: Not really. I take it in stride. Of course, me and the missus go down to Yuma right after Christmas.

Today’s Slice question: How often has your spouse or significant other expressed concerns about your peripheral vision?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email When buying gift calendars, it helps to focus on the recipient’s interests, not yours.

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