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The Slice: The tales grow as tall as the snowdrifts

Tue., Dec. 18, 2012

Today The Slice presents the transcript of an exclusive interview with the guy who insists winters in Spokane were way rougher back when he was a kid.

You wouldn’t believe what he had to say.

Q: Isn’t it a bit of a cliché to suggest that winters were harder during our childhoods?

A: Well, they were during mine. So there.

Q: Have you overlooked the fact that we have had a few winters in recent years with eye-popping snowfall totals?

A: It was like that every year when I was a boy.

Q: According to the National Weather Service … uh, never mind. Do you have evidence of your claim?

A: Family photos of our backyard ice rink and snow forts that looked like a castles – in black and white, no less. Winter meant business back when it was in black and white.

Q: And I suppose you trudged to class 4 miles through deep drifts?

A: Nah, my grade school was two blocks away. And they did a pretty good job of keeping the streets clear back then.

Q: Did you have snow-blowers?

A: Are you kidding? We shoveled in the dark. Now we seldom get enough snow to make it worthwhile to fire up my Blizzard King 9000.

Q: Do you think this taming of the season you claim to have observed is a result of global warming?

A: The guy I listen to on the radio every day has instructed me to say that’s a hoax.

Q: Well, what do you believe is going on?

A: I don’t think people today are as hardy as we were. We had the right stuff. But kids today sit on their butts looking at screens and get a ride from the living room to the bathroom.

Q: How would that influence the weather?

A: In my day, we had just a handful of awful TV shows but we watched them, by God, because we knew that one day we would blur the lines between nostalgia and worship.

Q: OK, we’re veering off the subject a bit. One last question. Has your attitude about the challenges presented by winter changed since you were a boy here in Spokane?

A: Not really. I take it in stride. Of course, me and the missus go down to Yuma right after Christmas.

Today’s Slice question: How often has your spouse or significant other expressed concerns about your peripheral vision?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email When buying gift calendars, it helps to focus on the recipient’s interests, not yours.

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