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The Slice: Ask Santa for more envelopes

Sat., Dec. 22, 2012

This is supposed to be the season of peace and joy, but a lot of bad words get said at this time of year.

The reason? People writing on Christmas-card envelopes frequently botch the name or address and instantly realize they do not have a replacement envelope.

So what do they do?

There are two basic choices.

The scratch-out/write-over correction looks pretty shabby, but it at least demonstrates that the card-sender knows the right spelling.

Then there is the option of trying to rehab the mistake with curlicues and flourishes. The result of this penmanship boogaloo shouts “I messed up and then tried to make this look like medieval script.”

Perhaps we’ve all been there.

This can be complicated by the fact that many people address these envelopes with festive red pens or thick-line markers. Trying to rally from miscues with writing instruments of this nature can be daunting.

Of course, there are worse screw-ups. For instance, you can firmly seal the envelope and only then realize that you forgot to write “In jail” after the printed “… and a Happy New Year.”

Titular honors: Jeanna Hofmeister, chief marketing officer for Visit Spokane, recently escorted a couple of visiting travel writers on a tour of our region.

“One day we went over to Wallace where my good friend Rick Shaffer is well known as ‘Prime Minister’ and even has business cards that say so. The next day we went to Sandpoint, where my pal Kate McAlister, the Chamber CEO, is just as often referred to as the ‘Queen of Ireland.’ ”

Eventually one of the visiting writers asked Hofmeister if she herself had a colorful nickname. Learning that she did not, the writer proclaimed her “Goddess of Bad-Assedness.”

Sounds good. But with great nicknames comes great responsibility.

Said Hofmeister, “Now to keep my reputation worthy of such a lofty title.”

Lost and still lost: If someone you know might have left a camera at the German American Society hall on Third Avenue in downtown Spokane during the Pioneer Day festivities last month, contact The Slice.

Today’s Slice question: Has your relationship with Spokane been analogous to a marriage?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Name-callers are cretins.

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