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The Slice: Time to pay your final respects

Do you have a real Christmas tree?

If so, how would you describe your approach to getting rid of it? A) We take it to the woods and set it free. B) A Viking funeral. C) Fairly unceremonious. D) A gutted fish gets more respect. E) We dump it out by the curb and our dismayed children stare at us with expressions that say, “Good God, what kind of unfeeling people are we living with?” F) Illegal backyard bonfire. G) We wait for something like when Jeff Bridges in “Starman” brought that dead deer back to life. H) While acknowledging that the tree hasn’t actually been alive since the day it got cut down, we nonetheless thank it for its seasonal service and then take it to one of those parking lot wood-chipper fundraisers. I) When taking off the decorations, we talk about what a good tree it was. J) Other.

Just wondering: Does it trouble you as a sports fan if it’s obvious that some of the players on your favorite team are jerks?

Slice answers: A number of readers nominated themselves after The Slice asked who was the richest man or woman in town.

Jeffrey Neuberger summarized the prevailing attitude. “Easy answer,” he wrote. “That person who knows he/she is loved, and loves in return.”

The South Hill’s Bill Whalen cited another leading indicator.

“Has to be me,” he wrote. “For 30 years my bride has been telling me I hit the jackpot when I married her.”

Warm-up question: If your child or grandchild uses touch-screens at preschool, what does he or she do when encountering your keyboard-based technology at home?

Today’s Slice question: How do you react when you hear “I would like to make a toast”? A) I try to make myself invisible and slip out of the room. B) I smile and turn my beaming face toward the speaker in expectation of stirring oratory. C) I mutter “Uh, oh.” D) I start yelling “Hear hear!” and “Huzzah!” and “Oyez, oyez, oyez!” until I am dragged from the room by the sergeant at arms. E) I pray that the speaker will not embarrass everyone in the greater scablands region. F) I begin drinking heavily. G) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. People with post-Christmas birthdays are no strangers to receiving re-gifted presents.


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