Arrow-right Camera

Features

The Slice: Virgo: Might be time to get excited

Fri., Dec. 28, 2012, midnight

Time again for a Slice Horoscope.

This is the only zodiac column written by someone who might have stood behind you in a grocery store checkout line.

As always, I guarantee this astrological forecast to be as accurate as any other.

Aries: Others seek your opinion today, assuming that you agree with them.

Taurus: Today is not the day to make a big decision. Yesterday was.

Gemini: You will be granted three wishes.

Cancer: Check your zipper.

Leo: Go ahead with your plan to host a New Year’s Eve party.

Virgo: You will receive good news today.

Libra: Congratulations! As of today, you are now officially invisible to members of the opposite sex.

Scorpio: Your butt looks fine in that outfit.

Sagittarius: Your New Year’s resolution should be to accept yourself for who you are.

Capricorn: You should be aware that everyone who matters likes you.

Aquarius: At your age, it’s time to face the fact that you are never going to make people forget Bobby Orr.

Pisces: Be prepared to say, “Look, if you just can’t handle the fact that we disagree about public policy, you can go to blazes.”

Spartacus: Don’t wait for 2013 to start taking better care of your teeth.

Leviticus: Co-workers will respond to your ideas with fake enthusiasm.

Nougat: No one will laugh when you say, “So, did you have a nice Boxing Day on Wednesday?”

Succotash: Distance yourself from time-wasting idiots.

Lumbago: Plan to say “No, I’m watching the Who Cares Bowl.”

Woohoo: Don’t eat so fast – you’ll choke.

Lebowski: Don’t shoot your eye out.

Zagacus: This might be a good day to let go of a grudge. Or not.

Spokanthrax: Stop blaming Spokane for things that are your fault.

Ramalammadingdong: Drive a little slower in residential areas.

Boog Powell: Stop trying to have sex with LinkedIn connection strangers.

Mikado: Your morals will be declared particularly correct.

Today’s Slice question: We all know about a herd of antelope, a murder of crows, a school of fish and so on. But what’s the collective noun for multiple Subaru Outbacks?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. It is The Slice’s contention that socks are still good if no one can see the holes when you are wearing shoes.

 
Tags: The Slice

There is one comment on this story »