Dear Annie: My fiance, “Steve,” has a rocky relationship with his sister, “Sara.” We live in New York and are planning to marry next year in Georgia.
The problem is, Steve doesn’t want Sara to be a bridesmaid, because he thinks she will create drama, and he doesn’t want our day to be about her. But she is going to be my sister-in-law, and I’d like her to be one of my bridesmaids. I hope to build a close relationship with her in the future.
Since she will have to travel from New York to Georgia to attend the wedding anyway, I cannot imagine not asking her to be in the bridal party. My sister and brother will be attendants, along with one of my cousins. Steve has promised to abide by your advice. – New York
Dear New York: We think you should give Sara the opportunity to do the right thing. It could be a good way for her to make amends for past hurts and be closer to her brother. If she becomes difficult or problematic while you are making wedding plans, it is OK to tell her you think she might prefer to attend the wedding as a guest.
Dear Annie: I’d like to tell “In Doubt” that if she has a gut feeling that her husband is having an affair, he probably is. Had anyone asked who had the most perfect marriage, the answer would have been my husband and me. After 40 years, I believed he was honest and sincere, but he began flirting with a younger woman in our neighborhood. When I asked him about little things that bothered me, he always assured me there was nothing going on.
When I finally discovered the truth, the affair had gone on for four years. He’d taken this woman on vacation and met up with her for sex in all sorts of places.
So, if you have that gut feeling and there are worrisome signs, hire a detective. You may not think he would lie, but men get so carried away and feel so young that they would say anything to be able to continue. – Been There