Seek help to deal with her bipolar son

Dear Annie: After 40 years of marriage, my wife came home from work one day and said she was leaving. I decided then that I would never marry again. Four years ago, I met “Lynn.” Now, of course, I am madly in love with her. She never ceases to amaze me with her big heart and infectious smile. She accepts that I don’t want to marry, but I have noticed that when someone gets engaged, her mood changes dramatically. She becomes depressed and cries, and I can see the hurt in her face.

I’ve decided I do want to marry Lynn, but the problem is her 20-year-old son, “Mike.” He is bipolar and uses that as an excuse to sleep all day and play video games all night. He once said he can’t get the mail because he is bipolar. He lives with multiple friends, each of whom eventually kicks him out because he won’t help out and he steals from them. When Mike lived with Lynn, he stole from her, screamed at her, snuck out at night and got into legal trouble. They went to counseling together, and Lynn was on serious depression medicines until Mike moved out. When Mike calls, Lynn breaks out in a nervous rash.

Mike stayed here for two weeks last year and hacked my computer, watched porn all night and stole from us. Lynn and I are scared to death that he will run out of housing options and she will have to take him in. My heart says to marry Lynn, but my head doesn’t want to take on the issues with Mike. What do I do? – Confused

Dear Confused: First, please tell Lynn that you want to marry her. It will make her happy and more amenable to working on the problems with her son. Then get premarital counseling, and also contact the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org) for suggestions on how to deal with Mike.