February 12, 2012 in City, Idaho

Huckeleberries: Those beer goggles are hiding an ugly truth

By The Spokesman-Review
 

On TV, the commercials portray alcohol in the best of lights. A horse exercises a la Rocky Balboa to join the Budweiser Clydesdales. A sophisticated adventurer surrounded by femmes tells viewers, “Stay thirsty, my friend.” A Super Bowl video of beer-fetching “Wego” goes viral. But reality drinking looks more like this (from the pages of the latest Downtown Coeur d’Alene Bar Report): At Third and Sherman: “Intoxicated female with dress around waist and breasts exposed fighting with several other females and males.” At 813 Lakeside, “Suspicious male broke window out of vehicle (with block of concrete). Suspect was owner of vehicle but extremely intoxicated and had urinated on himself.” At 115 Second, “Officers located an extremely intoxicated and unconscious 22-year-old on the top step of the (Baja) bar next to a large puddle of vomit.” Male tried to knife an officer when he came to. Stay sober, my friends.

Paranoia strikes deep

You may think the Property Rights Council birthed by Chairman Cornel Rasor and fellow commissioners is simply a strange extension of Bonner County government. But Right Side News online considers the council to be a “major new weapon in the fight against the UN.” Yeah, U.N., as in United Nations. (Remember that line from “For What It’s Worth” by Buffalo Springfield? “Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep.”) Right Side News explains the purpose of the council: “The mission of the PRC is to review county government activities and inter-governmental activities to determine whether the activities may cause adverse impact to private property rights. The PRC then is charged with supplying to county officials an opinion on that impact.” With tea party queenpin Pam Stout on the county payroll to oversee the council, you can bet those opinions come from the extreme right precincts of North Idaho’s political rabbit hole.

Huckleberries

For those keeping score at home, Washington is No. 4 on a recent Gallup list of most liberal states, ahead of New York, Hawaii and California, and behind only the District of Columbia (which the survey counts as a state), Massachusetts and Oregon. Meanwhile, Idaho is No. 9 on the Gallup list of most conservative states, behind front-runners Mississippi, Utah and Wyoming. Mebbe the line that separates the neighboring states isn’t imaginary? … The Fairbridge Inn Express in Post Falls had its hands full with a barefoot customer, wearing a green sweatshirt backward Thursday. Not only didn’t the clerk talk gibberish in attempting to get him to pay for his room but the needles dropping out of his pockets were distracting … By the Numbers: “The number of Dike Road trees on the Coeur d’Alene waterfront that had been facing the Army Corps of Engineers ax? Exactly 705, according to North Idaho College counters. Mayor Sandi Bloem is now optimistic the trees can be saved.

Parting shot

Spokane should come up with a brand other than “Near Nature, Near Perfect,” now that an out-of-town prostitute named Shaquisha has said that Lilac City ladies of the night are ugly. My HucksOnline crowd offered branding recommendations. One suggests: “Family friendly; because we lack attractive prostitutes.” Another: “Near nasty, less than perfect.” Finally, an SR Twitter follower wasn’t bothered with the alleged homeliness of Spokane prostitutes: “No matter how ugly the prostitutes are, I say, buy local.”

Read D.F. Oliveria’s North Idaho-focused blog at spokesman.com/hbo.

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