Dear Annie: “Ron” and I have been living together for more than a year. I love him and believe he loves me. We are both in our 60s and retired.
Ron is good to me in all but one way: He can’t seem to cut off contact with his old girlfriend. He was still with this woman when we met, although he was the one who broke it off. He hadn’t heard from her in months, and then she called him on his birthday. That started it.
I told Ron I wouldn’t share him and don’t believe it is good for our relationship if he keeps in touch with her. I admit I went a little nuts at first, and it affected our relationship. While I was out of town, he made plans to see her, although I don’t know whether he actually did. This betrayal caused me to have a mental breakdown, and I ended up in the hospital for a week.
After that, Ron told me he loves me and wants us to spend the rest of our lives together. I thought we were happy. Now I find that he is still in touch with this other woman. So far, it is only via Facebook, but I am afraid a personal meeting is only a matter of time. I can’t understand why he doesn’t see how much this hurts. It shows a total lack of respect for me and our relationship. I want to trust him, but it’s hard when he lies. Any thoughts? – Expecting To Be Two-Timed
Dear Expecting: You have two problems: The first is that Ron is undermining your relationship by staying in contact with this woman. The second is that you allow that contact to push all your buttons into hyperdrive. Not all communication between exes is threatening, but Ron seems determined to keep in touch with his, and this is not a good sign.
Talk to Ron as calmly as possible, and explain how hurtful and disturbing it is to you when he goes behind your back to contact his ex. Ask why he feels the need to do this. If the answer doesn’t resolve the problem for you, we don’t know whether the relationship can be saved.