February 14, 2012 in Features

The Slice: You can Polk fun at it all you want

By The Spokesman-Review

What if the Evergreen State had a different president’s name?

Sure, George Washington was great. But let’s consider.

Adams: We’d have to keep saying “No, not the one the beer is named after.”

Jefferson: Being a Jeffersonian would sound pretty good.

Madison: The other states would say “Sounds like you’re a middle school girl.”

Monroe: We could manufacture doctrines.

Jackson: Everyone could collect $20 bills.

Van Buren: We could have an official state “Seinfeld” episode.

Harrison: We could play Beatles songs and be known as “the quiet state.”

Tyler: “Walla Walla, Tyler” just doesn’t sound right.

Polk: People might move to Idaho when “Polk Salad Annie” becomes the state song.

Taylor: Eastern Taylor University is located in Cheney, Taylor.

Fillmore: Our part of the state could be the Fillmore East, which sounds sort of rocking.

Pierce: Well, at least there is no Pierce, D.C.

Buchanan: No, we wouldn’t want that.

Lincoln: An honor.

Johnson: See “Buchanan.”

Grant: Send a case of whatever we’re drinking to the other 49 states.

Hayes: “Spokane, Hayes” sounds like cause for a burning ban.

Garfield: Most overrated comics page presence in history.

Arthur: It would be kind of fun to be an Arthurian.

Cleveland: Seattleites would wince at how déclassé that sounds. So it has that going for it.

Slice answer (how cosmopolitan are we, on a scale of 1 to 10): “Spokane warrants a 4 and, although there is no such place as North Idaho, I’d give northern Idaho a minus 2,” wrote Ted Redman.

How Family Phrases are Born Department: A grade school-age boy in Shirley Stephenson’s extended family was sent to the store for cottage cheese. “He called back and wondered if we wanted ‘large crud’ or ‘small crud.’ ”

One thing Katie Delderfield’s parents found behind a wall during remodeling: A pair of women’s panties.

Today’s Slice question: When you were in grade school, did you use shoe boxes to make special mailboxes for Valentine’s Day cards?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Sometimes you’re tempted to vote a certain way but can’t because you don’t like the company you’d be keeping.

Get stories like this in a free daily email

Please keep it civil. Don't post comments that are obscene, defamatory, threatening, off-topic, an infringement of copyright or an invasion of privacy. Read our forum standards and community guidelines.

You must be logged in to post comments. Please log in here or click the comment box below for options.

comments powered by Disqus