The Slice: You can Polk fun at it all you want
What if the Evergreen State had a different president’s name?
Sure, George Washington was great. But let’s consider.
Adams: We’d have to keep saying “No, not the one the beer is named after.”
Jefferson: Being a Jeffersonian would sound pretty good.
Madison: The other states would say “Sounds like you’re a middle school girl.”
Monroe: We could manufacture doctrines.
Jackson: Everyone could collect $20 bills.
Van Buren: We could have an official state “Seinfeld” episode.
Harrison: We could play Beatles songs and be known as “the quiet state.”
Tyler: “Walla Walla, Tyler” just doesn’t sound right.
Polk: People might move to Idaho when “Polk Salad Annie” becomes the state song.
Taylor: Eastern Taylor University is located in Cheney, Taylor.
Fillmore: Our part of the state could be the Fillmore East, which sounds sort of rocking.
Pierce: Well, at least there is no Pierce, D.C.
Buchanan: No, we wouldn’t want that.
Lincoln: An honor.
Johnson: See “Buchanan.”
Grant: Send a case of whatever we’re drinking to the other 49 states.
Hayes: “Spokane, Hayes” sounds like cause for a burning ban.
Garfield: Most overrated comics page presence in history.
Arthur: It would be kind of fun to be an Arthurian.
Cleveland: Seattleites would wince at how déclassé that sounds. So it has that going for it.
Slice answer (how cosmopolitan are we, on a scale of 1 to 10): “Spokane warrants a 4 and, although there is no such place as North Idaho, I’d give northern Idaho a minus 2,” wrote Ted Redman.
How Family Phrases are Born Department: A grade school-age boy in Shirley Stephenson’s extended family was sent to the store for cottage cheese. “He called back and wondered if we wanted ‘large crud’ or ‘small crud.’ ”
One thing Katie Delderfield’s parents found behind a wall during remodeling: A pair of women’s panties.
Today’s Slice question: When you were in grade school, did you use shoe boxes to make special mailboxes for Valentine’s Day cards?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email email@example.com. Sometimes you’re tempted to vote a certain way but can’t because you don’t like the company you’d be keeping.