Ex-wife’s gown has no mystic power

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepson will be married this spring, his first and her second marriage. His fiancee has chosen to wear his mother’s wedding dress.

My husband will be walking my stepson’s fiancee down the aisle. I’m uncomfortable about seeing this wedding dress reincarnated on the arm of my husband. (Interesting that his ex-wife kept the dress for 40 years.) Am I out of line?

GENTLE READER: You know you are. You must be exposed to the usual wedding prattle of “It’s all about the bride,” a selfishness-promoting concept Miss Manners loathes. But surely it did not make you think, “No, it’s all about me.”

Still, the situation bothers you, so it might be useful to think about why. Do you suppose that the dress will transport your husband back into feeling that he has his beloved first bride on his arm? That seems doubtful, but in any case, the reality, in the form of the lady he divorced, will be right there to shatter the fantasy.

Anyway, he might be oblivious to it all. Every time Miss Manners has asked any gentleman who attended a wedding what the bride wore, the only answer forthcoming was, “I’m pretty sure it was a white dress.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband does not feel it is proper for him to compliment my cooking when we have dinner guests. However, he will compliment my cooking if it is just the two of us. What do you say?

GENTLE READER: About your cooking?

If Miss Manners were your guest and your husband complimented you on a meal she was eating: “Yes, it’s wonderful; I was just going to mention that.”

It is to avoid the appearance of prompting the guests that your husband wisely refrains from saying anything. You should compliment him on that – in private.