January 31, 2012 in City

Maybe police conduct problem was just fashion faux pas

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All this talk of installing costly body cameras on Spokane police might be premature.

Reining in our cowboy cops could be as simple as putting them in less-threatening duds.

It is said that clothes make the man.

Do clothes make the lawman and lawwoman, too?

Mike Fagan thinks the idea is worth discussing. The Spokane city councilman even raised the issue in a public safety meeting the other day.

Fagan wondered aloud if the SPD’s current black coverall garb might account for some of the department’s image problems.

Not to mention the overly aggressive actions of certain club-happy officers.

You know whom I’m talking about.

That uniform is “damned intimidating,” Fagan told me in a phone call Monday.

Why? Because it too closely resembles what SWAT members wear, “minus the face shield, helmet and machine gun.”

Changing to more congenial uniforms sounds simplistic, but since when have I ever let an idiot idea stop me?

Ever willing to help, I’ve dreamed up three alternative SPD uniform designs for consideration.

The HoboCop.

Unlike RoboCop, that weapons-heavy android law enforcer in movies bearing his name, the HoboCop is a new police uniform that pays homage to those gentle days of hopping freight trains and eating mulligan stew by the tracks.

It features …

Bib overalls, a comfortably loose felt hat and a red bandanna bindle stick for toting police essentials like handcuffs and donuts.

This backwoods look is designed to promote a folksier relationship between police and public.

HoboCop – “Howdy, feller. Mah radar thingamabob just clocked you doin’ 105 in that there school zone.”

Motorist – “No way. My speedometer must be busted.”

HoboCop – “Haw. That’s a good-un, sir. Here, have a piece a jerky to chaw on whilst I write you up this here ticket thingy.”

Motorist – “Thanks, HoboCop.”

HoboCop – “Y’all come back now. Y’hear?”

The (South) Hill Street Blues.

Some might consider bib overalls too unsophisticated for professionals who patrol the pockmarked streets of Washington’s second-largest city.

In that case, I have designed the (South) Hill Street Blues, a replacement uniform that practically shouts status, affluence and a mansion on Rockwood Boulevard.

Picture, if you will, a police officer dressed in …

Gray wool slacks. Black Gucci loafers with tassels. Light blue cotton dress shirt. Cashmere Polo sweater (navy) with arms tied loosely around officer’s neck.

(Reading glasses with red braided neck strap optional.)

Wearing the (South) Hill Street Blues, an officer can go from running down a purse-snatcher to running into the Spokane Club for a crab salad without stopping to change.

The Spolumbo.

These are economically strapped times, of course.

The new mayor can barely afford new leather office furniture, let alone equip the flatfoot cops with leather loafers.

In that case, the Spolumbo may be the perfect budget-minded new uniform choice.

Based on Peter Falk’s beloved homicide detective in the old TV series “Columbo,” the Spolumbo requires only one item of apparel: an old trench coat, off-white, and the more rumpled the better.

Luckily, these can still be found at Goodwill or, I’m betting, in Joe Shogan’s closet.

Trolling the Internet auction site eBay, I found several “pre-owned London Fog Columbo style trench coats” at “buy it now” prices ranging from $34.99 to $54.99.

The Spolumbos are roomy enough to accommodate every police need, like a protective vest, say, or pint of bourbon.

I’m willing to make a Mitt Romney wager that Spokane’s rate of cop-related violence would shrink dramatically if every police officer had to perform his duties wearing a wrinkled old Columbo coat.

Knowing the nature of some of our cops, of course, I’m equally certain we’d also experience a significant rise in officer-related flashing.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.

Seven comments on this story so far. Add yours!

• 

  lewis8457 on January 31 at 5:13 a.m.

  i think a nice blue uniform with a cap and tie would be a better image then the black jumpsuits.

• 

  brianrbreen on January 31 at 6:13 a.m.

  Mr. Clark,

  Funny piece…as for me…I kinda like Mr. Fagan’s idea. But take it a bit further and go back to the old days when cops received a clothing allowance and had to buy their own uniforms…you know the type that were dry clean only, and you had to wear a tie in the winter so you looked sharp, there were roll call uniform inspections, and if you got caught out of the car by the brass without your hat you got a gig. You should remember that Doug you saw enough of them. Well cops are even bigger tightwads than journalists so you buy two (the real tight-wads), maybe three uniforms, that doesn’t leave much out of the clothing allowance for dry cleaning so the cop has to be damn careful with the uniform unless he wants to spend his/her own money.

  The cop knows because he/she is responsible for the uniform, that if they get in a beef and roll in the dirt, or get blood on the uni, they have to pay for the cleaning. If the shirt or trousers get ripped they have to buy a new one, and make sure the prosecutor gets restitution for the new piece of uniform (which almost never happens). Well…can you imagine how much more the tightwad cops would try and talk themselves out of beef rather than rolling in the dirt with some jerk?

  To hell with Community Oriented Policing…lets get back to Economic Oriented Policing…it works!

  Fagan is on to something here… just take it a bit further.

• 

  EthicsinLE on January 31 at 9:12 a.m.

  I wanna dress like Lt. Dangle off Reno 911. Brian, I agree. When I started, we didn’t have all these BDU’s, jumpsuits, shorts / polo’s uniforms. We had one uniform, the polyester blues that had to be dry cleaned and had sewn creases. We bought our own stuff so we took good care of it. We also took a lot of pride in how we looked. You came to work with unshined boots, expect to get a earful. Now THAT looked professional!!! But, I will say it is not the uniform that creates professionalism, it’s how the officer treats the citizens and does his job. I’ll take the blues any day over these other uniforms. Look at how sharp the LAPD officers look, you gotta admit……..

• 

  brianrbreen on January 31 at 10:13 a.m.

  @Ethics

  Mine was an attempt at humor of course, but there may be a little truth in it. You are absolutely right it isn’t the uniform that makes the cop; it’s the cop that makes the uniform. I enjoyed Mr. Fagan’s analogy regarding the NYPD uniforms. It’s pretty clear to me he hasn’t had a whole lot of experience on both sides with NYPD; the same is true of LAPD. Even though I’m critical of those that sully the Uniform, no matter what it might be, I perhaps more than others realize just how good we have it here.

• 

  Shelala on January 31 at 11:30 a.m.

  I think Halloween costumes would be more appropriate. Puts a whole new spin on the notion of trick or treat. After all, aren’t we already trying to lock up that clown KT?

• 

  greenlibertarian on January 31 at 1:45 p.m.

  The cop knows because he/she is responsible for the uniform, that if they get in a beef and roll in the dirt, or get blood on the uni, they have to pay for the cleaning. If the shirt or trousers get ripped they have to buy a new one, and make sure the prosecutor gets restitution for the new piece of uniform (which almost never happens). Well…can you imagine how much more the tightwad cops would try and talk themselves out of beef rather than rolling in the dirt with some jerk?

  To hell with Community Oriented Policing…lets get back to Economic Oriented Policing…it works!
  -brian

  Ha! Great concept! I think it has some merit.

• 

  mary1958 on February 16 at 9:41 p.m.

  I never had the opportunity to think a whole lot before needing to “roll in the dirt” with some bad guy. It just happens and you respond. I never wore a jumpsuit but if the butt end is less likely to split then that would be the best thing to wear from my experience. Also one piece is better than a tuck in shirt or else you might find your girl holder exposed to the world. Don’t they have sew on badges instead of real ones, too? I remember Odenthal telling us in the academy about how a suspect in a fight bent his badge. That wasn’t to his liking. I REALLY don’t care what they wear. I care that they use their weapons appropriately and talk to the good citizens differently than the bad guys.