The Slice: Must be willing to shovel during hiring freeze

Happy Father’s Day Eve.

Seeing as how the occasion was invented in Spokane, it is incumbent upon those of us who live here to make sure Father’s Day continues to thrive.

National marketers pushing power tools and electronic gadgets certainly do their part. But we here on the ground in Spokane cannot afford to be complacent about our city’s legacy to the calendar.

That is why The Slice recommends that Father’s Day forge an alliance with a mythic benevolent figure. You know, someone to help symbolize the significance of the third Sunday in June. Just look what the Jolly Old Elf and that wascally wabbit have done for Christmas and Easter.

With that in mind, I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a help-wanted ad.

FATHER’S DAY FIGURE SOUGHT

The metaphysically incorporated city of Spokane, in the county of the land of Oz, seeks an entity, apparition or ambulatory gnome to promote, flog and otherwise advance the cause of Father’s Day.

The successful applicant will possess magical powers, at least one faked degree and an extensive background in trumpeting the paternity arts and sciences.

Upon being hired, the designated Father’s Day Figure will lead a dynamic team responsible for this and that and be expected to meet any and all other needs that may arise. He or she will report to various boards, guilds, advisory panels and executive directors who may or may not have any idea what in the blue blazes they are doing.

The ideal candidate’s skill set would include an ability to brainstorm, spitball, and run ideas up the flag pole.

The Father’s Day Figure will be expected to wear retro sweaters, make good time on road trips, talk about guy stuff no matter how boring, and occasionally pipe up with “I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Compensation and benefits will be negotiated during the hiring process. But don’t expect anything spendy.

Applicants will provide a cover letter dripping with trendy jargon, a list of references, and testimonials from woodland creatures.

Father’s Day Inc. is an equal opportunity employer, within reason.

Today’s Slice question: Has anyone in the Spokane area ever been involved in a car accident with someone who actually had insurance?