The Slice: We’ve finally got our handshake

There are hand motions some of us make when talking about certain medical procedures.

No doubt you have seen this. Maybe you have even done it, perhaps without being aware.

The kind of medical exams to which I allude fall under the heading “Probing key orifices.” And the layman’s gesture accompanying discussion of same is intended to simulate the insertion of long diagnostic instruments into bodily openings. These highly personal openings are referred to by medical specialists as being “down there.”

Several such tests come to mind. Some are gender specific. Others, including one of the more popular forms …

There are hand motions some of us make when talking about certain medical procedures.

No doubt you have seen this. Maybe you have even done it, perhaps without being aware.

The kind of medical exams to which I allude fall under the heading “Probing key orifices.” And the layman’s gesture accompanying discussion of same is intended to simulate the insertion of long diagnostic instruments into bodily openings. These highly personal openings are referred to by medical specialists as being “down there.”

Several such tests come to mind. Some are gender specific. Others, including one of the more popular forms of outpatient probing for those over 50, are not.

It’s no surprise that those in conversations about such screenings would make this motion. Many of us use our hands to illustrate what we are saying.

And the fact that some appear to be doing an impression of “ramming” as opposed to, say, “gently introducing the scope,” is understandable. Most of us have not had medical training, but we have seen countless hours of broad, goosing-based comedy.

Why am I bringing this up? Because this is a Spokane thing.

We are a medical center. For many Inland Northwest residents who live out in the country, expensive tests are Spokane’s raison d’etre. And a whole lot of these visits to the Lilac City involve rural people coming to get seriously probed.

“What brings you to town?”

“Uhhh (cue hand-motion).”

“Oh. Well, good luck.”

As it happens, this hand motion is the basis for the heretofore secret Marmot Lodge handshake. I reveal it today as a way of celebrating the lodge’s fifth anniversary of meetings-free fraternity.

Here’s how to do it.

Extend your hand and turn it so that your palm is perpendicular to the floor.

Make a loose fist and tilt your hand down at the wrist, as if holding a colonoscopy wand.

Then, when about to shake hands with a lodge member, slowly move your hand forward, as if inserting a scope.

Just before you reach the hand of your fellow Marmot, unfurl your fingers and extend your open hand in traditional handshake fashion.

Then shake and say “E pluribus marmot.”

Today’s Slice question: Because they are from a time in your life that you enjoy recalling, do you find that you now have remarkable tolerance for many songs you used to dislike?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Potato salad season starts Wednesday.