Introvert seeks break from action
Dear Carolyn: I have been with my husband for a total of 10 years now, and we are both in our early 30s. I absolutely adore him.
I am an introvert. My husband is a true extrovert who has MANY friends. When we decided to get married, I knew that was his personality and was fine with his going out and attending parties whenever he wanted to and I would stay home on occasions when I wanted to.
The problem is that the older I get, the more occasions there are when I want to stay home. Specifically, visiting his family is just exhausting for me. We always have a billion things scheduled and go from place to place having lunches, coffees, dinners, drinks, etc., with all his friends and family.
I find myself dreading these visits because I come home so emotionally drained.
What is the right balance here? I really care for his family, they are great people and I love when they visit our home, but I feel out of my element and overwhelmed when we visit there. Help! I want to do the right thing for my husband. – Anonymous
As your foray into good-sportsmanship just demonstrated, sometimes the right thing for your husband is to do the right thing for you.
You love him and you like his family, and haven’t clipped his extrovert wings, so the important things are there.
Instead, you can explain to your husband (if he’s somehow not fully versed in the nature of your nature) that the social interactions that energize him have a draining effect on you.
Then say you’d like to start including some breaks on your next visit so you can really enjoy yourself with these great people, instead of just trying to appear as if you are for fear of hurting their feelings.
That you’re framing this in terms of what’s right for your husband says you want to keep rallying.
Email Carolyn at email@example.com.