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Annie’s Mailbox: Invites bring bride, dad to loggerheads

Thu., June 21, 2012

Dear Annie: My granddaughter is getting married in September. After 31 years of marriage, her parents were divorced nine years ago (his infidelity) in a nasty battle over money.

Her father, who remarried two years ago, insists that his new wife’s name be on the wedding invitation. This suggests she raised my granddaughter, which she didn’t. My granddaughter is distraught over this.

I’ve checked the etiquette books, and in case of divorce, the bride’s mother’s name and father’s name should be on separate lines inviting guests to attend the wedding. The father’s new wife doesn’t appear anywhere. I believe my ex-son-in-law is trying to somehow punish my daughter, but he is actually hurting his own child. My daughter told my granddaughter that if Dad will not relent, she should have the invitations go out under the names of the bride and groom without mentioning the parents at all.

What is the appropriate thing to do? Is the bride wrong to want only her mother’s and father’s names on the invitation? – Maria from Ohio

Dear Maria: If Mom and Dad are sharing the costs of the wedding, both of their names and, yes, those of their spouses should appear on the invitation. If Dad is not contributing, his name need not appear at all. However, many brides want both parents’ names on the invitation regardless of who is hosting the event, in which case, the spouses of the parents should be included.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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