Attend ex’s party without new love

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to bring a new girlfriend to an ex-girlfriend’s birthday party at a local bar with a favorite band?

GENTLE READER: OK with whom?

The band probably doesn’t mind, but the lady whose birthday it is might. Miss Manners has no way of knowing, but unless that lady said, “Oh, do bring along your new love – I’m dying to meet her,” it may not be a good idea. Come to think of it, if that is what the lady actually said, it may be an even worse idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Oh, I need guidance! I have become friends with a woman at my son’s preschool. She is funny and wry. So I invited her over for a glass of wine and a snack.

This was our first meeting to get to know each other. She showed up and I got her a glass. She seemed fine, then boom! She was stumbling, and in the very long 45 minutes she was there, she managed to put me, my children and environment in danger.

Inappropriate! Then she drove off drunk.

When I saw her next, she acted like nothing happened. I do not want to cultivate a relationship with her, yet I feel the need to tell her what she did (in case she was blacked out). I also feel that she may be putting her own children at risk. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Well, you might have tried to stop her from driving off drunk, but apparently you missed the chance.

What good you could do now by chasing her down to extract a confession or an apology is less clear to Miss Manners. You haven’t even known her long enough to be sure that this is not a one-time incident. Perhaps she was taking a new medicine without realizing that it was incompatible with alcohol.

But if she is, in fact, alcoholic, your finding her out, as those close to her must have done, is highly unlikely to be a life-changing revelation. The school might not know, however, and is in a better position than you to watch out for the children.