Couple struggles with weekend time

Dear Carolyn: Partner A works long hours outside the home. Partner B is a stay-at-home parent. Weekend rolls around. Partner A wants to spend one day on a personal hobby/activity that would involve interactions with good friends, but not family. B wishes A would spend time with family instead.

Partner A deserves time to unwind after working so many hours during the week, but B also deserves a break from near-constant single parenting.

Obviously this is not a unique situation, so why does this feel like such a battle with us, repeated ad nauseam? – Weekend Duties

Because Partner A is apparently insistent upon blowing off family, that’s why.

Yes, P.A. deserves time to unwind, but: not for an entire weekend day; not at the expense of P.B., who also deserves unwinding time from working crazy hours; and not at the expense of the kids, who will soon see right through P.A.’s absentee parenthood, if they don’t already.

So, to meet all needs: Partner A gets one weekend day a month for the hobby. That, plus one weekend morning sleep-in, one weekly night out with Partner B courtesy of a standing arrangement with a sitter, and, where possible, a few hours solo each weekend. Partner B gets a similar weekend-day off once a month, once-a-weekend sleep-in, plus a few hours off every weekend – with P.A. on kid duty, so they can all get acquainted.

Tweak to suit. Deal?

Yes, it’s oh-so-bean-countish, but, sadly, that’s often what it takes when one partner thinks it’s just fine to abscond with all of the beans.