Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our late 40s and have been married 30 years. (We married young.)
“Eugene” has started looking at a lot of porn and seems to have a compulsion about it. We have enjoyed adult videos as a couple and still do, but Eugene now watches porn on the computer by himself. I feel betrayed, and it damages my trust. When I told him I don’t like that he looks at Internet porn so often, he became hostile and defensive. He angrily told me that “after 30 years of the same old thing, a guy needs to look at something different.”
That comment hurt me deeply, and I’ve had trouble getting past it. For a little while, Eugene backed off the porn, but now he’s sneaking around. Today, I discovered he has logged on to live chat rooms and Internet porn dating sites. When I confronted him about it, he was nonchalant, saying those sites just randomly pop up. But I know that’s not true. He’s visited those sites numerous times.
Eugene says I’m too sensitive and his behavior is normal. But, Annie, the fact that he’s sneaking around is enough for me to know it’s not acceptable. Do you think Eugene is looking for an affair? – Not Comfortable with My Future
Dear Not: We think your husband is looking for some thrills, and he’s being quite a jerk about it. This could be a typical midlife crisis: He’s approaching 50 and needs to feel young again. But such juvenile behaviors can damage a marriage beyond repair. Please ask Eugene to go with you for counseling. Tell him you want to work on the areas of your marriage that are at risk. If he won’t go, go without him.