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Annie’s Mailbox: Disregard for his weight disturbing

Dear Annie: My husband is extremely overweight. He has back problems, and his knees ache. I have discussed the dangers of heart problems, the increased chance of diabetes, etc., but he really doesn’t care. Unfortunately, it has affected the way I look at him. Seeing his belly folding over his belt is NOT a turn-on. It is disturbing to see the one you love neither care what he looks like nor see what he is doing to our marriage. How can I get him to realize the severity of this? – Concerned

Dear Concerned: Your husband knows he is overweight, but the idea of diet and exercise is probably more effort than he is currently willing to put forth. Your criticisms are not going to create an incentive, so please find another tack. He should see his doctor about his weight and perhaps get a referral to a nutritionist. If you are in charge of the meals at home, make sure they are healthful. Invite him to join you for a walk after dinner or any other activity that is pleasurable. Above all, he needs to know you love him regardless, and that your concern is because you want him around longer, not because you want him to be more attractive in bed. We know that is not a trifling matter, but please start from a less pressured place.

Dear Annie: “Michigan” said the boss took a portion of the tips from the waitstaff. I have been a server for 25 years. The hourly rate is often less than $4. I have been required to share my tips with the busboy, the bartender and even other servers. Never have I known of a business owner taking a portion. This is highly unethical. – Hard Worked and Broke

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@