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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Miss Manners: Simplicity, dignity remain virtues today

Judith Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been reading about calling-card protocol in a few dusty old etiquette books and something puzzled me. Several authors writing in different time periods indicated that simpler is better when it came to the style of the calling card; they described using simple text, with the person’s name and perhaps an address, being careful to avoid ostentation.

If that is so, why is it that all the surviving Victorian-era calling cards I have seen in antique stores are so outrageous? They have fabric fringes, names hidden underneath little cutouts, poems, photos, riddles, birds, flowers and other embellishments. Some of them even have phrases like “Happy New Year” or “Kind Regards” printed on them. They don’t look anything like the simple white cards prescribed.

I know Miss Manners does not generally like preprinted sentiments, so I am curious to know what she makes of all this frippery. Were calls for order and simplicity falling on deaf ears as much then as today? Am I missing all the more plain cards because those were the ones tucked underneath the pillowcase, or is it something else entirely?

GENTLE READER: You may have succumbed to the common delusion that Victorians behaved properly and exhibited impeccable taste. If that were the case, they would not have needed all those etiquette books trying desperately to improve their behavior.

The passing of years does not make the examples you cite, with their fussy decorations and preprinted sentiments, any more acceptable to Miss Manners than to her predecessors. Then, as now – when the style unfortunately survives on many wedding invitations and business cards – we urge simplicity and dignity for formal means of communication.

But (sigh) does anyone, in any era, listen?

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com or to her email, dearmissmanners@ gmail.com.