May 15, 2012 in Features

The Slice: A few ways weathercasters could rain on anchors’ parade

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Some Slice readers misunderstand my off-and-on boycott of Spokane TV news.

As I have noted several thousand times, I don’t like to be told how to feel about the weather. But despite what some readers believe, I do not fault TV weathercasters for the practice of suggesting that cool, cloudy days make us all suicidal. No, I blame the anchors.

Their witless weather banter makes me want to harm myself and others.

So here’s what the weathercasters should do. Next time one of the anchors gets too amped up about a sunny day or goes all performance-frowny about a little rain, the weather person should say:

“It doesn’t take much to make you happy on-camera, does it?”

“Just deal.”

“Oh, for the love of… would you just stop whining?”

“Yes, it will be sunny. But I suspect that people desperately searching for a job or parents of seriously sick children still will not feel like skipping and singing.”

“You remind me of a lizard on a rock. Does it not occur to you that there’s more to life than woo-hooing around in your sunglasses?”

“Nice life of the mind there, Mitzi.”

Today’s not-so-great moment in babysitting: A friend shared this. I’ll keep her name out of it. But if you really need to know her identity, contact Today section editor Carolyn Lamberson.

“When I was growing up in north Spokane, my uncle and aunt and five cousins lived next door. As the oldest of the bunch, I was the babysitter. One day, when the youngest cousin was still a baby, my aunt asked me to babysit. I was 13 or so and had done it lots of times.

“At lunchtime, I took everyone, my own two younger siblings included, over to our neighborhood Zip’s. As we were eating, it suddenly dawned on me: I’d left the baby at home.

“I sprinted the three or four blocks home – with my younger cousins and siblings trailing behind me. Fortunately, the little guy was still safely asleep in his crib.

“I swore my cousins and my siblings to secrecy. I don’t remember what I threatened them with, but it must have been pretty good. My aunt and uncle didn’t find out about my little misadventure for about 20 years.”

Today’s Slice question: Do you interpret “Caller ID Blocked” to mean “Don’t Answer”?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. What’s your graduation gift policy when you aren’t sure you actually know the kid whose parents sent you an announcement card/invoice?


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