May 17, 2012 in Features

The Slice: No. 4 on his wish list: Nothing to whine about

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Let’s start with a memorable tale of shopping list confusion.

Theresa Utesch recalled an incident from about 15 years ago.

“My husband made a list of liquor for his mom to go out and get. He likes to number the items on his list. It went like this: 1. Whiskey. 2. Rum. 3. Galliano. 4. Wine.”

Simple enough, right?

“When I came home from work that night, I walked into the house and saw many bottles of alcohol on the table. Needless to say, she thought the numbers were quantity. Luckily wine was four on the list and we still have Galliano unopened in the cupboard.”

On a cruise at home: “My wife and I live next to Latah Creek, and we sleep with our windows open,” wrote Bob Lawrence. “During high water, the creek makes it sound like we’re on an ocean liner which is under way.”

Things that help you make it to the finish line: “When I mow the lawn, which is on a steep hillside, the thought of the ice cold beer in the garage refer gives me the incentive to push through,” wrote Irene Silverman.

Travel tips: Before visiting a distant U.S. city, look up its average annual rainfall. There is a good chance it exceeds Spokane’s. So when you encounter the inevitable “rainy Washington” geo-ignorance you can halt the speaker in his or her uninformed tracks and say: “You get more rain here than we do in Spokane.”

Also, identify a good-sized city that is almost 300 miles away from the burg you will be visiting. So when you encounter the assumption that Spokane is right next to Seattle, you can politely note that Spokane is as far from Seattle as (name of city you’re visiting) is from (name of a city 300 miles away).

If the person to whom you are speaking has any sense, he or she will then acknowledge not knowing much about Spokane. But if he or she wants to argue with you about reality, feel free to consign that individual to the slag heap of time-wasting morons.

Today’s Slice questions: For you, wearing what color is the surest way to elicit compliments?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Blooms-spotter Wayne Pomerleau recommends checking out the Lilac Garden at Manito Park ASAP.


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