November 6, 2012 in Features

The Slice: Warning: It’s mostly downhill from here

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Let’s slide right to it.

Today’s Slice question: How do you respond when someone asks if you ski?

A) “No, I prefer to go through the winter without hearing the word ‘tibia.’”

B) “Who wants to know?”

C) “Is it mandatory in the Northwest?”

D) “Got an iffy groin.”

E) “No, but I après with vigor.”

F) “Not until there’s a bounty on snowboarders.”

G) “You mean cross-country or the kind with people talking about real estate?”

H) “My orthopedist is already rich.”

I) “Yes, like Rob Petrie in that one episode where he sustained a sprained body.”

J) “Like Woody Allen said, I’m two with nature.”

K) “I used to, back before the Oxbow Incident.”

L) “Are you hitting on me?”

M) “I live in Spokane, don’t I?”

N) “Chair lifts scare me. And moguls. And I don’t have a woo-hoo name.”

O) “No, I just skip right to the drinking and fooling around. I have a lot of sweaters.”

P) “My dog’s name is Packed Powder and my cat’s name is Whiteout.”

Q) “Does a bear have issues with wilderness-encroaching development?”

R) “Actually I’m much closer to the homeless end of the social spectrum.”

S) “Well, yes. I guess so. If repeatedly falling can be considered skiing.”

T) “No, but some of my colleagues are devout. Or do skiers refer to it as being observant?”

U) “Yes. I like saying ‘the mountain’ and dropping references to ski runs in other states.”

V) “When asked, I take the fifth.”

W) “Why? What have you heard? Have you been talking to my ex?”

X) “No, but I like butting into skiers’ conversations and saying the names of resorts wrong.”

Y) “Yes. My nickname is The Human Avalanche.”

Z) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Karen Botker said trying to eat dinner while watching a TV show featuring depictions of autopsies is nothing compared to having breakfast with midwives detailing recent birthing issues.

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