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The Slice: T-Day discussions on the table

There are Spokane area children happily going about their sheltered lives today, blissfully unaware of what is in store for them.

Life seems as if it’s all jammies, texting, eye-rolling and hot chocolate.

Perhaps because they have short memories about certain things and live in the moment, these kids are oblivious to their fate.

But come Thursday, some of them are going to hear those dagger-like words: “Honey, I’m going to need you to sit at the children’s table.”

Now, of course, being at the children’s table is often way more fun than sitting with the grownups. I mean, when was the last time you heard a kid get bulging-vein mad about tax policy or complain about his or her ex?

“When Nevaeh and I were together, back in second grade, things started out great but then she got all clingy and seemed bent on changing me.”

Doesn’t happen.

Still, young people who yearn to be viewed as something other than little kids can bitterly resent being exiled to the children’s colony in the den.

For some, the very idea of the children’s table conjures visions of hurled mashed potatoes, booger-centric conversation, feral cousins putting grubby little mitts right into the serving dish, glass-shattering squeals and unsteady card tables threatening to capsize.

More than a few older children would rather hear that they are being shipped off to a gulag. And they have been known to express their reservations in the form of threats and recriminations.

So perhaps it might be a good idea to discuss the seating chart with them before Thanksgiving arrives.

Different parents have different styles, of course. But dictators, bargainers and pleaders all share a goal: Avoid a 15-round title bout in front of family and friends just as the bird is about to be served.

How you handle this is your business.

But if the negotiations do not go well, The Slice has a suggestion. Come Thursday, ask for adult volunteers to sit at the children’s table. Bet you’ll get some takers.

Well, at least until they get a glimpse of the feral cousins.

Today’s Slice question: Ever tried a no-TV policy on Thanksgiving?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Some Slice readers loathe the expression “Turkey Day.”

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