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The Slice: This could be stuff of legends

Look to “I Am Legend” for a near-perfect one-day slogan for Spokane: “The last man in Spokane is not alone.”
Look to “I Am Legend” for a near-perfect one-day slogan for Spokane: “The last man in Spokane is not alone.”

What if city turned to horror films for slogan inspiration?

Sooner or later, Spokane’s tourism/economic development braintrust will replace the “Near Nature …” slogan.

No doubt, though, that’s way off in the future. But what if, in the meantime, we went ahead and changed it for one day each year. And let’s say we chose Halloween as the day for the new slogan.

One way to go might be to tweak horror movie taglines.

Let’s consider our options.

“The night HE came home to Spokane.” – “Halloween”

Maybe that’s a little too menacing. Conjures images of former bosses, ex-husbands and other nightmares.

“In Spokane, no one can hear you scream.” – “Alien”

I suppose that could be construed as suggesting that ours is not a caring community.

“Be afraid of Spokane. Be very afraid.” – “The Fly”

Perhaps prospective tourists would find this refreshingly candid.

“When there’s no more room in Spokane, the dead will walk the earth.” – “Dawn of the Dead”

That might work, maybe if we could work in something about lilacs.

“If Spokane doesn’t scare you, you’re already dead.” – “Phantasm”

It’s certainly bold.

“Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Spokane.” – “Jaws 2”

Wouldn’t that make you curious about our latest attractions, et cetera?

“Spokane is the warmest place to hide.” – “The Thing”

Maybe we should save that for Christmas.

“Who will survive and what will be left of Spokane?” – “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”

Seems like a fair question.

“The last man in Spokane is not alone.” – “I Am Legend”

Could be a chance to use cute pictures of marmots.

“Oh yes, there will be Spokane.” – “Saw II”

Replacing “blood” makes it sort of existential.

“To avoid fainting, keep repeating ‘It’s only Spokane’… ‘It’s only Spokane.’ ” – “The Last House on the Left”

On the upside, it mentions Spokane twice.

“I warned you not to go to Spokane.” – “Maniac”

Suggests we attract visitors who think for themselves.

“Sometimes Spokane is Better.” – “Pet Sematary”

Replacing the word “dead” really gets this up on its feet. I think we have our winner.

Today’s Slice question: What if atheists sent out missionaries?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Better check that candy to see if it’s OK.

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