October 30, 2012 in Features

The Slice: Hey, Old Man Winter, err Bud, let’s party

By The Spokesman-Review

Want to know what kind of weather is headed our way?

Check out today’s exclusive Accu-Slice interview with Old Man Winter.

You won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: OK to call you Old Man? That sounds ageist.

A: Winter Deity Emeritus is my actual title. But whatever. Mrs. Winter calls me Bud.

Q: So what sort of winter is the Inland Northwest in for?

A: Heh heh heh.

Q: Come again?

A: Hang on to your hats.

Q: So will the gales of November come early?

A: Who do you think you are, Gordon Lightfoot? Look, I’m not going to get into specific timing. You’ll just have to wait.

Q: Well, what canyou say?

A: I can say that I look forward to folks in your neck of the woods once again acting as if winter comes as a total surprise. That’s some learning curve you have there.

Q: Is it true you receive kickbacks from Arizona developers?

A: No comment.

Q: Don’t the long-range forecasts call for a relatively mild and dry winter?

A: It’s like Tom Petty said. You believe what you want to believe.

Q: Why would you be gleeful about causing trouble? Winter is hard on a lot of people, you know.

A: Hey, it’s tough all over. Cry me a frozen river.

Q: Any advice?

A: Well, to people in Spokane, this will sound crazy. But when you are driving on roads covered with ice, it’s often a good idea to go slower than you would if driving over the same stretch in July. Just a thought.

Q: What do you think of the way the Spokane media cover winter?

A: Well, to be fair, you folks have had a couple of fairly stout ones in recent years. And I get it about TV giving shut-ins a chance to savor the fact that they aren’t the ones out there driving in a blizzard. But yours is not what I would call a hardy region. I guess all those refugees from Montana and Canada moved to Spokane for a reason.

Q: Why do dogs love snow?

A: Because they don’t have to drive in it. And it’s fun to see where you peed.

Q: Do you consider it a personal triumph when the schools have to close?

A: Well, I like reminding kids that Santa isn’t the only one who’s got their backs.

Today’s Slice question: Does your driver’s license photo look like a mug shot?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Please report your trick-or-treat head count Wednesday night.

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