You might have heard that a water-damaged journal kept by the dog that accompanied Lewis and Clark has been discovered in a musty historical society archive in St. Louis.
Although skepticism abounds about this document’s authenticity, I want to share a few excerpts from Seaman the Newfoundland’s expedition diary. You can decide for yourself whether you believe it to be real.
“Am I the only one who thinks this whole enterprise is nuts? We keep going west. But all of civilization is back in the other direction. Hello!”
“My food bowl already has a few dings in it. I guess this is what they call roughing it.”
“We’re definitely not in Missouri anymore. The big brown bears we have encountered absorb multiple gun shots and they still keep coming. Our last encounter prompted several in our party to evacuate their bowels. It does not smell like fresh cinnamon buns in camp right now.”
“Sacagawea really knows how to scratch me behind the ears. She’s a doll. Just crazy about her.”
“As I am the only member of our party who speaks fluent animal, I can report that today’s bear said ‘Yeah, you’d better run!’ We did.”
“Dinner consisted of boiled roots and squirrel entrails. Wonder what they’re doing back East tonight.”
“Sacagawea has taken to calling me Pupkins.”
“Some of the native people we have encountered want me to go duck hunting with them. But I’m going to beg off. Some of my shows are on this afternoon.”
“Clark got sore because I barked last night. Next time I smell wolves at 1 a.m., remind me to keep it to myself.”
“Played cards with some raccoons. Got cleaned out. Lesson learned.”
“Not much in the way of feminine canine companionship out here, if you catch my drift. There was this one bitch back at the Mandan village, but she was a total head case. And a biter to boot.”
“You would not believe the mountains we can see in the distance. I suggested to Lewis that we turn around, but these guys act like they are on a mission or something.”
“Sacagawea knelt before me, patted me on the head and cooed ‘Who’s a Good Boy!’ today.”
Today’s Slice question: If Friday the 14th had some significance, what might it be?