September 23, 2012 in Features

The Slice: ‘Whoopie Cough?’ Protect yourself

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Bill Brock’s 6-year-old daughter, Reed, solemnly announced that there had been a case of “Whoopie Cough” at school.

“So much for abstinence-only education,” said her father.

Do you suppose Whoopie Cough is catching?

Multiple choice: What goes through your mind when a nurse takes your blood pressure and then says nothing? A) Uh oh. B) Does it not occur to her/him that I might like to hear the result? C) Is she trying to think of a way to break it to me? D) Am I supposed to guess? E) Must be OK. F) Other.

Re: making local street names sound more Western: Marial Willford thinks Appleway should have been named Theywentthattaway.

The Slice has been told: That driving around orange road-construction lane markers makes some skiers fantasize about being on the slopes.

Warm-up questions: Would you believe someone who contended that he or she had not noticed that 80 percent of National Football League players appear to be African Americans? When people back where you used to live refer to you having moved to Spokane, do you suppose they say it as if you escaped to the promised land or as if you fell off the edge of the Earth? How many times are parents supposed to get excited about showing old family photos/videos to their kids’ latest boyfriends/girlfriends?

Today’s Slice question: How would you characterize your ability to understand people speaking English with pronounced foreign accents? A) I usually do OK. Context is the key. B) I hate the idea that anyone might assume I’m one of these “Talk Murrican!” people, but I have to say I usually cannot understand a word. It’s really rather embarrassing. C) It is not a problem because “What?” is my default response to everything already. D) I myself have been told I have a thick accent, so I smile at the speaker and say “You seem like a nice person and I don’t have the slightest idea what you are saying.” E) I used to be OK at that, but I think living in Spokane has eroded by accent-filtering abilities. F) I say, “I’m sorry, but I am going to need subtitles.” G) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Failing to properly wrap up sliced onions can make opening the refrigerator first thing the next morning a real eye opener.


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